About twenty years ago a good mate of mine had some serious cat issues with his neighbour. Initially it was the usual shitting in the flower beds and pissing all over his alloy wheels, but this fucker then uppped the ante to criminal damage.
Having forked out the best part of three hundred quid for a huge trampoline for the kids he came home to find that it had used the outer padded circumference and safety net as a scratching pole and literally torn it to shreds. Not best pleased he waited for it to come back and filmed it on his phone when it did it again.
He spoke to the women who owned it, who pretty much laughed in his face and said tough shit. Fuming at her response he waited a week or two and kidnapped the cat and relocated it elsewhere.
Foolishly when he'd had a few scoops he let slip in the pub and someone overheard him telling the tale. As you can imagine it got back to the women and the following week whilst he was having a quiet drink after work the neighbours new boyfriend, who resembled a scruffy unhygienic version of Ross Kemp came into the pub and filled him in. Whilst my mate was picking his teeth up the bloke said he wanted compo for neighbour and that if this didn't materialise there was plenty more where that came from.
Knowing he had little or no chance of retrieving the relocated cat and shitting himself as another beating was on the horizon he reported it to the old bill. The bloke got lifted for an ABH and was cautioned, however when the copper came to his house to tell him the outcome he got his collar felt for theft of cat, with the woman who over heard him in the pub actually giving a statement. He chucked in a "No Comment" interview and that was the end of it cos they had no actual proof that he'd had the cat away.
To add insult to injury and to this day he doesn't know how, but she got the offending cat back and it was soon back crapping in his garden and rusting up the wheels on his VW Corrado. He ended up having to move house cos relations with the neighbour deteriorated even further when she caught him trying to rub it out with a black widow catapult. Fortunately smelly Grant Mitchell was no longer on the scene, so he escaped a further twatting. All that over a cat.
