Give us your best United jokes please!

[shadan1]

Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

 

[KPXBLN]

What's the difference between United and Porto?

We needed two legs to beat Porto 6-1.

 

[Fredred]

I find this very funny

Luke
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Have some of the so called 'true' Man City fans become hypocrites?
Now before I go any further I am a united fan, Salford born and bread before you start calling me a glory hunter. Blues have pissed me off so much in these last couple of years. It seems that everything City stood against they have become. I used to get a lot of stick for being a red, the amount of times I have been accused of being a cockney is laughable. I remember in the mid 90's City were the local team from Manchester, the people's team if you will, you could of into the Kippax for a game for a few quid. Whereas united and old Trafford was like a different world back then, biggest team in the world, it was all about money and glamour on the red side of Manchester and all blues ever used to do was slag us reds off to the hills about how were all glory hunters, how we get ripped off for ticket prices and how all the fans were Asian. Now it seems to me like City are being what they once looked at and hated. The amount of blues that have come upto me and gone "they put my season ticket right up you know" what do you expect? Your one of the big boys now your club is going to rip you off! I don't here you moaning about how your all getting ripped off though like you used to say about reds. Everytime I see the game on the telly the amount of Asians in the crowd is frightening, but at the same time you don't mention it do you? No but you slag us refs off for having Asian fans though. I'm a red till I die but I probably know more about city's history than most of these blues now

 

[stony]

It's Friday so you can all have a play.

 

[stony]

I find this very funny

Luke
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Resolved QuestionShow me another »
Have some of the so called 'true' Man City fans become hypocrites?
Now before I go any further I am a united fan, Salford born and bread before you start calling me a glory hunter. Blues have pissed me off so much in these last couple of years. It seems that everything City stood against they have become. I used to get a lot of stick for being a red, the amount of times I have been accused of being a cockney is laughable. I remember in the mid 90's City were the local team from Manchester, the people's team if you will, you could of into the Kippax for a game for a few quid. Whereas united and old Trafford was like a different world back then, biggest team in the world, it was all about money and glamour on the red side of Manchester and all blues ever used to do was slag us reds off to the hills about how were all glory hunters, how we get ripped off for ticket prices and how all the fans were Asian. Now it seems to me like City are being what they once looked at and hated. The amount of blues that have come upto me and gone "they put my season ticket right up you know" what do you expect? Your one of the big boys now your club is going to rip you off! I don't here you moaning about how your all getting ripped off though like you used to say about reds. Everytime I see the game on the telly the amount of Asians in the crowd is frightening, but at the same time you don't mention it do you? No but you slag us refs off for having Asian fans though. I'm a red till I die but I probably know more about city's history than most of these blues now

Why would they call you a cockney when you're from Ireland ?

 

[mcfcliam]

I find this very funny

Luke
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Resolved QuestionShow me another »
Have some of the so called 'true' Man City fans become hypocrites?
Now before I go any further I am a united fan, Salford born and bread before you start calling me a glory hunter. Blues have pissed me off so much in these last couple of years. It seems that everything City stood against they have become. I used to get a lot of stick for being a red, the amount of times I have been accused of being a cockney is laughable. I remember in the mid 90's City were the local team from Manchester, the people's team if you will, you could of into the Kippax for a game for a few quid. Whereas united and old Trafford was like a different world back then, biggest team in the world, it was all about money and glamour on the red side of Manchester and all blues ever used to do was slag us reds off to the hills about how were all glory hunters, how we get ripped off for ticket prices and how all the fans were Asian. Now it seems to me like City are being what they once looked at and hated. The amount of blues that have come upto me and gone "they put my season ticket right up you know" what do you expect? Your one of the big boys now your club is going to rip you off! I don't here you moaning about how your all getting ripped off though like you used to say about reds. Everytime I see the game on the telly the amount of Asians in the crowd is frightening, but at the same time you don't mention it do you? No but you slag us refs off for having Asian fans though. I'm a red till I die but I probably know more about city's history than most of these blues now

....

 

[jonmcity]

All our fans a great no matter where they are form, creed colour. Yes we will be the biggest club in this city before long and i love it. You will have to watch us building an academy and stadium that will be the best in the world. We will keep ticket prices reasonable and eventually have a bigger average crowed than you. We will be a better team than you for years and years to come. Get used to going down hill fast because that's what's going to happen with your owners and your dept. You are to expensive to buy and a bad investment with no return. All because your drunk manager tried to rip off your owners at that time, over a race horse. I love watching you lot cringe every time we win and put in another great performance. i cant wait till derby day so we can give you another drubbing. The future is blue get used to it.

 

[Pembrokeshire Blue]

 

[Pembrokeshire Blue]

 

[Metal Biker]

I find this very funny

Luke
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58 (Level 1)
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Resolved QuestionShow me another »
Have some of the so called 'true' Man City fans become hypocrites?
Now before I go any further I am a united fan, Salford born and bread before you start calling me a glory hunter. Blues have pissed me off so much in these last couple of years. It seems that everything City stood against they have become. I used to get a lot of stick for being a red, the amount of times I have been accused of being a cockney is laughable. I remember in the mid 90's City were the local team from Manchester, the people's team if you will, you could of into the Kippax for a game for a few quid. Whereas united and old Trafford was like a different world back then, biggest team in the world, it was all about money and glamour on the red side of Manchester and all blues ever used to do was slag us reds off to the hills about how were all glory hunters, how we get ripped off for ticket prices and how all the fans were Asian. Now it seems to me like City are being what they once looked at and hated. The amount of blues that have come upto me and gone "they put my season ticket right up you know" what do you expect? Your one of the big boys now your club is going to rip you off! I don't here you moaning about how your all getting ripped off though like you used to say about reds. Everytime I see the game on the telly the amount of Asians in the crowd is frightening, but at the same time you don't mention it do you? No but you slag us refs off for having Asian fans though. I'm a red till I die but I probably know more about city's history than most of these blues now

U jelly, bro?