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worsleyweb
Guest
What do you mean by that bill?
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What do you mean by that bill?
Bill
Moderator
What do you mean by that bill?
I mean any break ups after that I took in my stride. first time round, I was very young, it broke me in two. fuck that.
shackattack
Well-Known Member
ended my first relationship ever recently and it felt much better doing it that way. half my age and yes i am over 32 ;-) but was a nightmare. jealous when you thought it would be other way round, had bi polar, never listened to reason and in the end i just packed up and moved several counties away. best thing i ever did
Plays By Sense Of Smell
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 4 Sep 2011
- Messages
- 11,158
Twice for me. First one was my final year of university, I was on a huge roll while with her - helped me cruise through my finals, had a storming year at sport - even got picked for the national college american football team and toured Germany. Came home to the news she was on the verge of being kicked out at end of her first year, but it was nothing I was planning my career in Hull (our uni town) so I could make sure she could focus, was about to go and have some supportI’ve words with her principal tutors, reassure them etc. (had been me in similar situation not two years hence).
Returned from Germany, got message from her in the summer she wouldn’t be going back for her second year and then shortly after had gotten back with previous bf from home.
Shattered, I lost the will to do anything much with my career other than get warehouse job and a pay check each month so I could keep on getting mullered every weekend with my old house mates who were doing the same.
Took a fair few (probably 4) years of this for me to get the spirit back and get on with where I wanted to go.
TBF, I learned a hell of a lot in that place though (7 years in the end) - turned out to be fantastic grounding.
Second one was my wife - currently house hunting so I can move out. Married nearly 10 years and settled with kids before ‘we’ realised there was something wrong.
Problem is, she’d already gone through the process some time before me and there was nothing left that could be fixed from her POV.
Hammer blow that, and a few times just felt like I’d completely fucked everything up in my life.
Put myself through a hell of a lot of pain in my quest/belief that everything is resolvable between grown up adults, but to no avail.
Yes, I had work to occupy my days, but coming home ended up ruminating about how much I was going to hurt the kids/my parents/(and weirdly, my wife) if I gave up hope.
Sleep was a relief to being awake.
But all the soul searching and reflection and sharing with a couple of close friends helped me to move through it and realise there is light - you just have to look for it. Sharing helps, talking it through helps, and you’re often surprised at how many other people’s lives contain angst and misery that never gets the chance to be heard.
A year ago I was devastated. Now we’ve just separated very amicably and fairly, we are still friends and are going to tell the kids soon once I get a new house nearby.
Parents are supportive as we’ve gone about it in a sensible way - though it took me a while to come to terms with it.
While there is still the occasional sad ‘if only’ moment, I know how to quickly manage it.
I’ve moved past blaming her, and also importantly past blaming myself - I can look back and think it was’t a mistake marrying her as we have achieved a lot together; we have great kids and are both in pretty solid positions for the future, and that’s exactly where I am focused.
I’ve also learned a lot about me, and that I chose well in the sense that I matched myself with someone who while often appearing cold sulky and remote, actually has a lot of emotional maturity and strong sense of what’s really important.
I am still here for the family (she knows I’m great in a tight spot & know how stuff works when shit hits the fan) - perhaps that’s a male typical inclination to want to be a hero.
Fortunately her strong streak of self sufficiency and ability to look after herself (one of the things that first attracted me to her and in a way probably one of the things that led to us growing apart) means I can look forward to the future without worrying too much about the damage our decision might cause - as I know ‘we’ will each/all be able to get through it.
I am even getting excited about being back in the game, (with Mrs’ blessing! - she knows I work best with a supportive other).
Returned from Germany, got message from her in the summer she wouldn’t be going back for her second year and then shortly after had gotten back with previous bf from home.
Shattered, I lost the will to do anything much with my career other than get warehouse job and a pay check each month so I could keep on getting mullered every weekend with my old house mates who were doing the same.
Took a fair few (probably 4) years of this for me to get the spirit back and get on with where I wanted to go.
TBF, I learned a hell of a lot in that place though (7 years in the end) - turned out to be fantastic grounding.
Second one was my wife - currently house hunting so I can move out. Married nearly 10 years and settled with kids before ‘we’ realised there was something wrong.
Problem is, she’d already gone through the process some time before me and there was nothing left that could be fixed from her POV.
Hammer blow that, and a few times just felt like I’d completely fucked everything up in my life.
Put myself through a hell of a lot of pain in my quest/belief that everything is resolvable between grown up adults, but to no avail.
Yes, I had work to occupy my days, but coming home ended up ruminating about how much I was going to hurt the kids/my parents/(and weirdly, my wife) if I gave up hope.
Sleep was a relief to being awake.
But all the soul searching and reflection and sharing with a couple of close friends helped me to move through it and realise there is light - you just have to look for it. Sharing helps, talking it through helps, and you’re often surprised at how many other people’s lives contain angst and misery that never gets the chance to be heard.
A year ago I was devastated. Now we’ve just separated very amicably and fairly, we are still friends and are going to tell the kids soon once I get a new house nearby.
Parents are supportive as we’ve gone about it in a sensible way - though it took me a while to come to terms with it.
While there is still the occasional sad ‘if only’ moment, I know how to quickly manage it.
I’ve moved past blaming her, and also importantly past blaming myself - I can look back and think it was’t a mistake marrying her as we have achieved a lot together; we have great kids and are both in pretty solid positions for the future, and that’s exactly where I am focused.
I’ve also learned a lot about me, and that I chose well in the sense that I matched myself with someone who while often appearing cold sulky and remote, actually has a lot of emotional maturity and strong sense of what’s really important.
I am still here for the family (she knows I’m great in a tight spot & know how stuff works when shit hits the fan) - perhaps that’s a male typical inclination to want to be a hero.
Fortunately her strong streak of self sufficiency and ability to look after herself (one of the things that first attracted me to her and in a way probably one of the things that led to us growing apart) means I can look forward to the future without worrying too much about the damage our decision might cause - as I know ‘we’ will each/all be able to get through it.
I am even getting excited about being back in the game, (with Mrs’ blessing! - she knows I work best with a supportive other).
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worsleyweb
Guest
ended my first relationship ever recently and it felt much better doing it that way. half my age and yes i am over 32 ;-) but was a nightmare. jealous when you thought it would be other way round, had bi polar, never listened to reason and in the end i just packed up and moved several counties away. best thing i ever did
You have been shagging mrs ww?
W
W
worsleyweb
Guest
Twice for me. First one was my final year of university, I was on a huge roll while with her - helped me cruise through my finals, had a storming year at sport - even got picked for the national college american football team and toured Germany. Came home to the news she was on the verge of being kicked out at end of her first year, but it was nothing I was planning my career in Hull (our uni town) so I could make sure she could focus, was about to go and have some supportI’ve words with her principal tutors, reassure them etc. (had been me in similar situation not two years hence).
Returned from Germany, got message from her in the summer she wouldn’t be going back for her second year and then shortly after had gotten back with previous bf from home.
Shattered, I lost the will to do anything much with my career other than get warehouse job and a pay check each month so I could keep on getting mullered every weekend with my old house mates who were doing the same.
Took a fair few (probably 4) years of this for me to get the spirit back and get on with where I wanted to go.
TBF, I learned a hell of a lot in that place though (7 years in the end) - turned out to be fantastic grounding.
Second one was my wife - currently house hunting so I can move out. Married nearly 10 years and settled with kids before ‘we’ realised there was something wrong.
Problem is, she’d already gone through the process some time before me and there was nothing left that could be fixed from her POV.
Hammer blow that, and a few times just felt like I’d completely fucked everything up in my life.
Put myself through a hell of a lot of pain in my quest/belief that everything is resolvable between grown up adults, but to no avail.
Yes, I had work to occupy my days, but coming home ended up ruminating about how much I was going to hurt the kids/my parents/(and weirdly, my wife) if I gave up hope.
Sleep was a relief to being awake.
But all the soul searching and reflection and sharing with a couple of close friends helped me to move through it and realise there is light - you just have to look for it. Sharing helps, talking it through helps, and you’re often surprised at how many other people’s lives contain angst and misery that never gets the chance to be heard.
A year ago I was devastated. Now we’ve just separated very amicably and fairly, we are still friends and are going to tell the kids soon once I get a new house nearby.
Parents are supportive as we’ve gone about it in a sensible way - though it took me a while to come to terms with it.
While there is still the occasional sad ‘if only’ moment, I know how to quickly manage it.
I’ve moved past blaming her, and also importantly past blaming myself - I can look back and think it was’t a mistake marrying her as we have achieved a lot together; we have great kids and are both in pretty solid positions for the future, and that’s exactly where I am focused.
I’ve also learned a lot about me, and that I chose well in the sense that I matched myself with someone who while often appearing cold sulky and remote, actually has a lot of emotional maturity and strong sense of what’s really important.
I am still here for the family (she knows I’m great in a tight spot & know how stuff works when shit hits the fan) - perhaps that’s a male typical inclination to want to be a hero.
Fortunately her strong streak of self sufficiency and ability to look after herself (one of the things that first attracted me to her and in a way probably one of the things that led to us growing apart) means I can look forward to the future without worrying too much about the damage our decision might cause - as I know ‘we’ will each/all be able to get through it.
I am even getting excited about being back in the game, (with Mrs’ blessing! - she knows I work best with a supportive other).
Do you mind me asking? Is she between 30 and 36?
Just that’s the age women get bored with the stable husband and they turn off several months before a man is aware of it. Happens in an absolutely huge percentage of relationships.
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worsleyweb
Guest
I mean any break ups after that I took in my stride. first time round, I was very young, it broke me in two. fuck that.
I don’t think I could ever be hurt that bad again to be honest. If mrs ww the third fucked off I would cope but the thought of her as an ex scares me enough to stay with her.
shackattack
Well-Known Member
i would not wish her on anyone ffs. had some great times and holidays but i draw the line at violence and for someone so young i hope she gets her act together. but very much doubt it- my ex not mrs ww ;-)You have been shagging mrs ww?
W
W
worsleyweb
Guest
Raised my ex girlfriends kid from birth, was there at her birth, named her and saw her till her 5th birthday - then one night my ex didn’t return home, I put the little one to sleep and stayed up all night trying to contact her - turned out she was sleeping with another fella - fast forward couple weeks, all my belongings out the front, no money and nowhere to live. Lost the girl I loved and even worse the daughter I loved.
Couple of very good mates took me under there wing, joined a dating site and fast forward a few years I’m now a happily married man too Mrs BlueHammer, didn’t think I’d ever get through that period but I did. When you lose everything, don’t lose hope.
Up the Hammers.
Remember that well. You have done well you left wing hammer bastad!
bluethrunthru
Well-Known Member
And have you truly ever got over it?
I have just the once and fuck me it was painful for the first year.
Took me about 6 years in total to get over it.
Nah - I was a bit miffed when wife #1 left - got over it quite soon and now rationalise it as her doing me a favour clearing the way for me to meet wife #2 mum of my two great kids and soul mate for 23 years.