Have you ever had your heart broken over a women?

Magicpole said:
Yes I have, a couple of times. It was very, very difficult both times. It was like a bereavement. The first time is the worst, you really bottom out for a time.

The biggest shock for me was how much it affected me. I am not a person who buckles, or I should say I wasn’t. But I did. That was a shock. I still functioned at work, I still gave the appearance outwardly that I was strong, but inside I didn’t feel that way.

I am a product of my upbringing, my city, my working class culture that put a lid on how I coped. Looking back that lid only served to keep the emotions bubbling with nowhere to go. I’m not talking about going to my friends and breaking down. My conditioning could not allow me to do that. But as time went by, I realised I had to give myself the room to grieve on my own.

I did this and although it was still very painful, it allowed me to stop beating myself up for being hurt. We Glaswegians are known for many things, sitting about crying and getting hugs isn’t on the list. Particularly those from my generation.

The second time was as painful, but the the recovery was quicker and the lessons learned helped me stop falling into, or I should say, throwing myself into a self pitying pit. It’s ok to feel self pity, it’s ok to be really hurt, but you need to try and prevent being engulfed.

Sitting in the house stewing is required for a time. That’s absolutely normal. You need to force yourself to get out. To go and see your mates. To try and laugh. My brother used to call me Portable Gallows. It made me laugh. The humour of my city and yours is brutal at times, but it comes from a good place.

The ability to say Fuck it, is the start of the journey back. It doesn’t shorten the journey, you don’t dodge the bullet, it has your name on it. What it does do is makes the path less dark.

You have to be open to letting yourself recover. If you tell yourself you will never get over them, you probably won’t. Or at least you make that journey much longer.

Eventually you will get by it and be able to accept it, it’s not going to change, they ain’t coming back so you need to tell yourself that. It’s holding onto a hopeless wish that keeps you under.

The sun gets up every morning. You need to do the same. The two people I never thought I could be happy without, proved to be a wrong assumption. I can think of them both now without feeling pain. I don’t regret them being in my life, but more importantly. I realise that they weren’t the sum of my life.

I am.

And how I look at myself determines my happiness. Other people can make that better, but they don’t define you.

It’s hard but it’s survivable. There is no magic wand for happiness. But there is a cudgel we use on ourselves that can make us continually miserable. Put that fucker away. Take the pain as there isn’t an option, but give yourself a fighting chance by allowing yourself the option to at least try to move on.

A better future is waiting, even if it’s only an end to the level of pain you find yourself in, that alone is worth going for.

One more thing. If you start to see other people, let them know you are not in a position to jump straight back into an emotional situation. They can then make the decision to see you and you won’t have the guilt of hurting someone else by stepping on them to keep your head above water. You know what pain feels like, don’t pass that on by not being honest about where you are.

That’s not honourable. Plenty of people feel the same. Find them and you will heal.

Good luck to anyone in this situation. It’s part of life. It isn’t your whole life though. That’s the bottom line.
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A dishwasher, and now this...?? I'm beginning to doubt your Scots roots. Jessie.
 
Don’t relationships last anymore? Grandparents on both sides made Ruby anniversaries before one died. Uncles / Aunts going strong too.
 
shackattack said:
ended my first relationship ever recently and it felt much better doing it that way. half my age and yes i am over 32 ;-) but was a nightmare. jealous when you thought it would be other way round, had bi polar, never listened to reason and in the end i just packed up and moved several counties away. best thing i ever did
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I noticed your location had changed. You’ve moved from the second most lovely county in England, to the first.

I went out with a girl who was diagnosed as bi-polar straight after we spilt up. To me, it explained a great deal. Going out with her was an exhausting experience. She got it sorted pretty quickly via medication, which I was pleased about, because she was such a lovely person. Absolute angel. Not a bad bone in her body.
 
worsleyweb said:
Do you mind me asking? Is she between 30 and 36?
Just that’s the age women get bored with the stable husband and they turn off several months before a man is aware of it. Happens in an absolutely huge percentage of relationships.
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Not at all mate. She's currently 40 - from talking things through we think the drifting probably started around 5 years ago.
 
peoffrey said:
Don’t relationships last anymore? Grandparents on both sides made Ruby anniversaries before one died. Uncles / Aunts going strong too.
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Mine too. Mum and Dad close to it. Am wondering if it's because we're in an era when traits like selfishness & convenience, but also honesty and freedom of expression are more acceptable?
Also, having more options and ability to look after yourself probably leads to people choosing this path, whether for good or not so good reasons.
 
gordondaviesmoustache said:
I noticed your location had changed. You’ve moved from the second most lovely county in England, to the first.

I went out with a girl who was diagnosed as bi-polar straight after we spilt up. To me, it explained a great deal. Going out with her was an exhausting experience. She got it sorted pretty quickly via medication, which I was pleased about, because she was such a lovely person. Absolute angel. Not a bad bone in her body.
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She was a lovely girl deep down but physical assaults and accusations of cheating wore me out. The bi polar was hard as well - filled the flat with countless items of anything she could buy. But on the up times we went Rome, Venice, Helsinki and canary Isles. But nightmare to live with when down I genuinely hope she gets better but abuses her medication by doing coke and drinking on top of it. And surrounds herself with other people with mental health issues which to me hardly helps. And yeah Dorset is lovely
 
shackattack said:
She was a lovely girl deep down but physical assaults and accusations of cheating wore me out. The bi polar was hard as well - filled the flat with countless items of anything she could buy. But on the up times we went Rome, Venice, Helsinki and canary Isles. But nightmare to live with when down I genuinely hope she gets better but abuses her medication by doing coke and drinking on top of it. And surrounds herself with other people with mental health issues which to me hardly helps. And yeah Dorset is lovely
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Yeah I was quite lucky, in that my ex girlfriend’s down periods never manifested themselves in nastiness, apart from the odd close to the bone comment, which were usually aimed at me and fair comment tbh. In terms of her moods and disposition, she switched from one extreme to the other very quickly indeed, which was draining of itself. Still in touch with her now and she’s been with someone for a while now and seems fine. Doing gear and drinking simply cannot remotely help that condition btw, especially the former.
 
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