Totally understandable you are scared but as someone else said you have inspired me with your courage and you need to keep it up.
good luck mate from the bottom of my heart, life is complex huh.. any one of us could be in your situation tomorrow and I can only hope that if it is me I have the strength to deal with it like you are doing.
Just from reading your posts throughout this thread, I could tell how brave you are and that's just what you need to be, stay strong pal, my best wishes go out to you.
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