Is it okay if your spouse hangs out with his/her ex?

I go out with my ex for a drink regularly but only when our son is with us. Her husband doesn’t mind if the lad is with us. We all get on fine.
 
So I created a thread about me getting married to my girlfriend last month. We are happy together but something just bothers me sometimes. She was with her ex for 2 years before she dumped him back in 2020 and then we started dating a few months later. But she is not only in touch with her ex but she also hangs out with him sometimes. I am fine with that but it is kind of strange to me because she never spoke a single good word about him and how he always has been kind of useless and mean.

I have never been that kind of guy who sets down laws on my partners. However it is a bit awkward.

Am I being just insecure?

Fuck me maybe I was being generous with a couple of years.

Get. The. Fuck. Out. Now.
 
So I created a thread about me getting married to my girlfriend last month. We are happy together but something just bothers me sometimes. She was with her ex for 2 years before she dumped him back in 2020 and then we started dating a few months later. But she is not only in touch with her ex but she also hangs out with him sometimes. I am fine with that but it is kind of strange to me because she never spoke a single good word about him and how he always has been kind of useless and mean.

I have never been that kind of guy who sets down laws on my partners. However it is a bit awkward.

Am I being just insecure?
To me the only circumstance under which exes should stay in touch is if they had a kid together. That means there is understandably a need for contact for the kid's sake.

But other than that there are NO reasons an ex should be hanging out with an ex. The "We are just friends" BS is not impressive to me. I have no desire to ever speak to any of my exes. If someone still wants their ex in their life it means they cannot let go of their feelings and/or hope to get back together.

I went through the "We are just friends" crap with one of my exes, so I am sympathetic to you. She would hang with her ex a lot (even to the point of showing up to meet me with him in tow) and it always hurt. When I questioned it, it was just well we are friends now and she would often talk crap about him to me. But this never squared with her desire to hang out with someone she allegedly had no feelings for. Sorry, it wasn't good enough for me. No one should have to tolerate that. As I said, if they had a kid together, then they will have to have some kind of interaction. But other than that there is no excuse.

You don't need to set down the law or be pushy. Explain how happy you are to start a life together, but just calmly explain that her behaviour hurts you, then flip the script and say "How would you feel if I hung out with my ex?". The key is to underline how hurt you are. If she persists in doing something she knows hurts you after that, a more serious chat is needed.
 
To me the only circumstance under which exes should stay in touch is if they had a kid together. That means there is understandably a need for contact for the kid's sake.

But other than that there are NO reasons an ex should be hanging out with an ex. The "We are just friends" BS is not impressive to me. I have no desire to ever speak to any of my exes. If someone still wants their ex in their life it means they cannot let go of their feelings and/or hope to get back together.

I went through the "We are just friends" crap with one of my exes, so I am sympathetic to you. She would hang with her ex a lot (even to the point of showing up to meet me with him in tow) and it always hurt. When I questioned it, it was just well we are friends now and she would often talk crap about him to me. But this never squared with her desire to hang out with someone she allegedly had no feelings for. Sorry, it wasn't good enough for me. No one should have to tolerate that. As I said, if they had a kid together, then they will have to have some kind of interaction. But other than that there is no excuse.

You don't need to set down the law or be pushy. Explain how happy you are to start a life together, but just calmly explain that her behavior hurts you, then flip the script and say "How would you feel if I hung out with my ex?". The key is to underline how hurt you are. If she persists in doing something she knows hurts you after that, a more serious chat is needed.
My situation is very similar to yours with your ex. I have asked her why she is still friends with her ex considering all the crap she talks about him. She just tells me that she doesn't know why which is fucking strange. Sometimes I have asked her to invite her ex over so that we can all play board games together if she really wants to hang out with him. Her response has always been something like she wouldn't like to hang out together as she wants to stop talking to him completely.

It's all a bit strange to me tbh. I have never been in this situation before and I am certainly not the kind of guy who likes to control my partners.
 

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