John Cooper Clarke

[Ifwecouldjust.......]

Saw him at the Ritz in the 70's when he was supporting Magazine.......

Excellent poet

Altogether now

I fell in love with an alien bein'
Whose skin was yellow
Whose face was green

 

[aka blue jambo]

saw him back in the day ... and also a few times recently at the Edinburgh Fringe
think he supported Wire too ( or maybe Magazine )

 

[kronkonite]

lyrics
Send "The Referee's Alphabet" Ringtone to your Cell
The A is for my authority
Which many players seem to question,
Thinking they're somehow going to make me change my mind
B is for babies
Which a lot of managers cry like
After a decision has not gone their way
C is for the continual criticism i recieve from the touchline
Get back in your technical area!
D is for the dunderheads
Who seem to think we have a conspiracy
Against their particular team
E is for the eery silence that echoes around the ground
After I've booked the home teams player
And it's obvious to everyone that he deserved it
F is the farce into which most games would descend if we werent there
The G is for the gnarled face of someone whos on 90,000 a week
And reckoned he should have had a throw in
H is for handball
Which has to be intentional and very rarely is
If only people would study the rules more
I is for innocence, pleaded by many a doe-eyed defender
After they've just scythed down that tricky winger
J is for ju-jitsu, which i quite intend to display given a dark alley
And some of the narky blerts ive encountered
K is for the kissing of the badge
How ridiculous that looks 6 months later when they're at another club
L is for lip reading, at which you don't need to be an expert
To see how odious some people are
M is for the mistakes we sometimes make
Surely a bit of controversy is part of the games appeal
The N, the N is for the numbskull who during the boxing day game
Asks me what else i got for christmas besides my whistle
An afternoon with your wife mate
The O is for offside
Which many forwards tell me they simply could not have been
The P is for the penalty shootout
Great drama and no pressure on me
Q is the quiet word i sometimes need to have
With some of the more fiery participants
I usually choose the word 'pleat'
R is for running backwards
A difficult skill which the pundits never seem to appreciate
S is for the suggestion that i should have awarded a card of some sort
To a player whos just been awarded a free kick
Sorry i got all that wrong the S again
Okay the S, the S is the suggestion that i should show a card to an opponent
By a player whos been awarded a free kick
He himself is more in danger of getting one for that
T is for the 21 man brawl
Whiuch is basically an embarrassing scene of pushing and shoving
U is for the umpire which i sometimes wish I'd been instead
You never hear a cricket crowd shouting whos the bastard in the hat
The V is for vitriol vilification vendetta and volley of verbal abuse
Some good bird noises there by the way
W is for walter pidgeon
Whos mr Griffiths in 'how green was my valley'
I may have started to sound like during this song
'where was the light i thought to see in your eye'
He says that to a young huw played by roddy McDowall
The X
The X represents the sarcastic kiss planted on my forehead by the swarthy potugese center half
Who i just dismissed
The Y is for Yate
The kind of town referees come from
And the Z
Well the Z could be for Zidane, Zico, Zola, Zubizaretta, Zoff
Even Zondervan
But is in fact for the zest with which we approach our work
Without this zest for the game we wouldn't become refs
And without refs, well zero
See also Zatopek, Zeus
And Zeal Monachorum
I have a caravan there
Static naturally
Wouldnt it be fun if the gave the ref a gun

jcc is great to

 

[Fame Monster]

Health fanatic is the best.

JCC is in the Ian Curtis (Control) biopic BTW.

 

[Prestwich_Blue]

Saw him at Manchester Poly Union (as it was then) in 1976. Headline act was Clive James and, if my memory is correct, JCC just got up on stage during the interval and started. People started booing him and shouting at him to get off but after a few moments the crowd were totally behind him and he got a great ovation when he came off. In fact I was so busy clapping and cheering, I didn't realise Clive James was trying to get past me onto the stage.

 

[1_barry_conlon]

Health fanatic is the best.

JCC is in the Ian Curtis (Control) biopic BTW.

Forgot about that one. Thanks for reminding me. I remember seeing him once perform in HMV on Market St. Must have been 81ish.

 

[lunebleu]

prefer half man half biscuit

Love em both.
Half man,Half biscuits 'Lord hereford's knob ' is a good piss take on folk music.I've downloaded it from youtube but can't bleedin work out how you post it on here

 

[Anonymous]

Saw him at the Ritz in the 70's when he was supporting Magazine.......

Excellent poet

Altogether now

I fell in love with an alien bein'
Whose skin was yellow
Whose face was green

She had the big bug eyes and the death-ray glare, feet like water-wings, purple hair
I was over the moon, I asked her back to my place
Then I married the monster from outer space

Our days were numbered, our nights were spent in a rent-free furnished oxygen tent
Where a cyborg chef served up moonbeams, done super-rapid on a laser beam
I needed nutrition to keep up the pace
When I married the monster from outer space

But when we went walking tentacle in hand, you could sense the earthlings would not understand
They'd go nudge nudge nudge when we got on the bus, saying "It's extra-terrestial, not like us;
It's bad enough with another race,
But fuck me... a monster! from outer space?"

In this kind of atmosphere love went lame she took a flier to from where she came
I read all the papers, looked up the stars "Uranus is active and so is Mars"
My horoscope was horrible, told me to my face -
Avoid monsters from outer space

In a cybernetic fit of rage, she buggered off to another age
Now she lives in 1999, with her new boyfriend, a big blob of slime
And every time I see a translucent face
I remember Eeeerrrrrtttttt from outer space.

Ta!