Joke thread

[KS55]

Oi, this has been posted before. Watch out for the plagiarism police.

Oi, this has been posted before. Watch out for the plagiarism police.
Sorry, being an FOC, I can’t remember posting this before.

 

[sir baconface]

Oi, this has been posted before. Watch out for the plagiarism police.
Sorry, being an FOC, I can’t remember posting this before.

Oy! You’re nicked.

I said you’re nicked.

Anything you say may be taken down in evidence and repeated three times in the next month.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

Oi, this has been posted before. Sorry @sir baconface. Watch out for the plagiarism police.

It’s a Gary Delaney gag

 

[r.soleofsalford]

Fuck off joke copper. You ain't my dad.

:-)

You know who your dad is?

 

[sir baconface]

Fuck off joke copper. You ain't my dad.

:-)

That’s good. I’m pretty sure I took precautions when I was seeing your mum.

;)

 

[hammocity]

As a fat bloke I thought I'd start going to the gym, yesterday I had to take a piss but when I got back to my treadmill some fucker had put a bottle of water in my Pringle's holder, honestly some people.

 

[hammocity]

Before I joined the Gym, the Personal Trainer said I needed to do a "Fat Test", I fucking pissed it and didn't even do any revising.

 

[hammocity]

I was in the Chemist's in January and said to the pharmacist:

"how come you've still got the Halloween promotion on?"

She replied

"We haven't, that's the fucking queue for the methadone".

 

[dronefromsector7G]

Before I joined the Gym, the Personal Trainer said I needed to do a "Fat Test", I fucking pissed it and didn't even do any revising.

I asked a trainer what I should do to burn calories. He said I should try rowing. So I went around the gym calling people cunts

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Hertzblue]

 

[Lavinda Past]

It’s a Gary Delaney gag

Fanboy...

 

[Lavinda Past]

A vampire goes into a bar, sits on the stool and orders a glass of hot water.

The bartender gets him his order, but can’t help himself and asks:

“Excuse me, mate, but aren’t your type supposed to be drinking blood?”

The vampire fishes a used tampon out of his pocket and replies:

“Tea.”

 

[dronefromsector7G]

Fanboy...

Sarah Millican is a lucky girl :-)

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[dronefromsector7G]

View attachment 119311

See. You can do it. This should* get around 7 or 8 likes

*Or just one now simply to spite me

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

See. You can do it. This should* get around 7 or 8 likes

*Or just one now simply to spite me

I'm thinking about deleting it now.... ;-)

 

[dronefromsector7G]

I'm thinking about deleting it now.... ;-)

If it only gets one like just put an asterisk next to it

 

[dronefromsector7G]

Marvin Gaye used to keep sheep in his vineyard.He'd herd it through the grapevine.