Joke thread

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

I've got more than enough hobbies at my age.
I play guitar, have a large music collection and attend gigs with Mrs Lavinda locally and afar... Indeed, we were at Co-op Live watching Liam Gallagher last night.
I'm involved in / watch local club football two or three times a week in the season, having given up my (very long standing) season ticket at City at the end of 23/24.
We've got a great dog and walk it three times a day.
We live in beautiful rural Mid Wales, miles from harmful air pollution, Mrs Lavinda and I have an allotment on our small (3 acre) tree farm, and have a good selection of friends of varying ages.

I don't need to tel you or anyone else all this, but I appreciate that you're only concerned about my well being and thank you for that. However, I think you'll find that I spend a lot less time posting on here than you probably think I do.

I'm just keeping my brain active, having a bit of fun on BM, sharing nonsense, and hopefully entertaining a few fellow FOCs (bloody wasters) on here.


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Keep them coming mate, they give me a laugh even if no one else finds them funny

 

[Mr Fraser]

Soul singer Bill Withers had a brother called ‘Bear’.


He wrote the music you hear on the phone when you've been put on hold.
.

How you turn a duck into a 1970s soul singer

 

[Lavinda Past]

Keep them coming mate, they give me a laugh even if no one else finds them funny

Not a problem mate!

I've noticed that a couple of 'supposed' detractors on here are actually frequent 'likers'.

I wish they'd make their minds up!

 

[Lavinda Past]

How you turn a duck into a 1970s soul singer

Leave his bike outside the chippy until his bill withers...

 

[jimharri]

Keep them coming mate, they give me a laugh even if no one else finds them funny

Some of them are okay. Ish. But some of them? Jesus Lav; have you got a lock up full of Christmas crackers?

 

[blue b4 the moon]

I don't get it

It's all to be with bikes & Chip shops;)

 

[Lavinda Past]

Some of them are okay. Ish. But some of them? Jesus Lav; have you got a lock up full of Christmas crackers?

It's like mining... once you hit a seam, you have to make the most of it.

What's the link between mining and jokes..?

You have to go through the pits to strike gold.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I took Mrs Lavinda to Blackpool and bought her a fur coat. However, I didn't realise it was made of hamster skins.

I couldn't get her off the Big Wheel for two days.

 

[Lavinda Past]

The bloke who invented throat lozenges died recently...

There was no coffin at his funeral.

 

[r.soleofsalford]

Keep them coming mate, they give me a laugh even if no one else finds them funny

Keep them coming,

 

[r.soleofsalford]

I took Mrs Lavinda to Blackpool and bought her a fur coat. However, I didn't realise it was made of hamster skins.

I couldn't get her off the Big Wheel for two days.

Fur coat and no knickers. You know the rules.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Had a row with my boss at lunchtime.

It's one of the perks of working near a boating lake.
.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I got an unexpected letter from the British Origami club today...

I don't know what to make of it.

 

[DrBlueBob]

Had a row with my boss at lunchtime.

It's one of the perks of working near a boating lake.
.

Come in no 99, your time's up.

We don't have a no 99.

66, everything ok out there?

 

[jimharri]

I took Mrs Lavinda to Blackpool and bought her a fur coat. However, I didn't realise it was made of hamster skins.

I couldn't get her off the Big Wheel for two days.

I was half expecting a "stick of Blackpool rock" gag.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I went to the barber's for a haircut today, and asked if I could have it cut like Tom Cruise.

He put a board and big cushion across the arms of the chair...

 

[Blue Mist]

I went to the doctors this morning and told him of my recurring dreams about Bambi, Cinderella and Snow White.
He said I was suffering from Disney spells.

Lavinda mate, you really need to give it a res......
Oh wait

 

[Blue Mist]

I went to the barber's for a haircut today, and asked if I could have it cut like Tom Cruise.

He put a board and big cushion across the arms of the chair...

I went to my barbers and asked him for a Tom Cruise haircut.

He completely shaved my head. I said "WTF, Tom Cruise doesn't look like this'

The barber replied 'he does if he comes in here mate.

Wot ! You started it.

 

[bluethrunthru]

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]