Joke thread

[Plays By Sense Of Smell]

Sorry mate, she's with me : )

Enjoy your Valentine's night together

You pair of cunts.... ;) x

 

[Uwe Already]

Not sure what a crastinator is, but apparently I’m a pro!

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

Enjoy your Valentine's night together

You pair of cunts.... ;) x

Hers was the best one : )

 

[Ho Chi Man City]

I have just finished watching the complete series' 1-9.

It really went under the radar down here. The characters were hilarious and so well defined.

The last episode was brilliant and I had something in my eye when it finished.

Brilliant ending but sad as well, I’ve watched the whole series a few times, make sure you see the specials at the end of series six and the live shows, for me the best ever comedy on TV, just about beats Fools and Horses, Early Doors, Phoenix Nights and Men Behaving Badly but loved those four comedies as well.

 

[noseve]

I have just finished watching the complete series' 1-9.

It really went under the radar down here. The characters were hilarious and so well defined.

The last episode was brilliant and I had something in my eye when it finished.

Exactly the same here - only 'discovered' Still Game last year and watched all series on iPlayer.

Because of the way streaming works, automatically selecting the next episode, we watched the last one not knowing that it was the last episode - it really hit home.

Winston trying to fast-forward Issa is often mimicked in our house when somebody's droning on a bit...

 

[old blue]

I am reading a book about swimming the channel by Francis Near.

He stopped doing it because he is incontinent.

 

[Three_Hat-tricks]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I've bought a rhyming dictionary
It's coming on Monday

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[bluethrunthru]

oooooooo matron

 

[johnnytapia]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I've bought a rhyming dictionary
It's coming on Monday

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’m a schizophrenic
And so am I

 

[kippaxneil]

The wife will go spare when she finds out I've lost her only copy of Beethoven's Unfinished Symphony.
I'll never hear the end of it.

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

 

[Uwe Already]

 

[goalmole]

Paddy sees an advertisement in the shop window...
"Handy man wanted for a building site"
He goes to apply for the job.
The foreman asks him " can you do a bit of plumbing?"
Paddy says "no".
Foreman says "can you lay bricks?"
Paddy says "no"
Foreman says "can you do any carpentry?"
Paddy says "no"
Foreman then says "what's so handy about you then?".
"I only live round the corner" says Paddy.

 

[Ho Chi Man City]

Paddy sees an advertisement in the shop window...
"Handy man wanted for a building site"
He goes to apply for the job.
The foreman asks him " can you do a bit of plumbing?"
Paddy says "no".
Foreman says "can you lay bricks?"
Paddy says "no"
Foreman says "can you do any carpentry?"
Paddy says "no"
Foreman then says "what's so handy about you then?".
"I only live round the corner" says Paddy.

If we’re doing jokes as old as the hills:-)

Same Paddy goes for another interview,

“Can you drive a fork lift??”

“No”

“Can you brew up?”

“How big’s the fucking kettle?”

 

[bluethrunthru]

 

[Sam101]

Scam alert!

Some guy came out with the classic scam of trying to sell me an antique conker the other day.

I told him: come on mate, I'm not falling for that old chestnut.