Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
blue44
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- Joined
- 20 Jun 2009
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- Location
- Ashton-u-lyne,Manchester.
- Team supported
- St Marks West Gorton
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Loser keeps Jay Slater...
MCFCTrick
Well-Known Member
Or ....
Let's spice the Final on Sunday up a bit ...
Winner gets Gibraltar
Let's spice the Final on Sunday up a bit ...
Winner gets Gibraltar
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why. The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations. "
The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up late. He will tell Johnny a lie so big that he will never tell another one. Ever.
The next day, Johnny shows up two hours late.
Johnny says, "I was two hours early today so I had time to fish in the pond on my way to school. I caught a 17-pound trout and had to take it home. If I didn't clean it and freeze it, my mom would've been angry. That's why I'm so late".
The teacher promptly takes him to the principal's office and explains the story to the principal.
The principal tells Johnny about his own trip to school that day.
He says, "I was walking to school through the park on the trail today when I heard something behind me. I turned around and was shocked to see a giant grizzly bear behind me. He was 24 feet tall and had 6-inch fangs. He was going to eat me, Johnny! Just then a little dog ran out from the bushes, jumped up and attacked the bear. The little dog killed the bear and then ate the whole bear right there in front of me. What do you think of that, Johnny?"
Johnny replies, "Oh yeah, that's my dog Sparky. That's his third bear this week."
The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up late. He will tell Johnny a lie so big that he will never tell another one. Ever.
The next day, Johnny shows up two hours late.
Johnny says, "I was two hours early today so I had time to fish in the pond on my way to school. I caught a 17-pound trout and had to take it home. If I didn't clean it and freeze it, my mom would've been angry. That's why I'm so late".
The teacher promptly takes him to the principal's office and explains the story to the principal.
The principal tells Johnny about his own trip to school that day.
He says, "I was walking to school through the park on the trail today when I heard something behind me. I turned around and was shocked to see a giant grizzly bear behind me. He was 24 feet tall and had 6-inch fangs. He was going to eat me, Johnny! Just then a little dog ran out from the bushes, jumped up and attacked the bear. The little dog killed the bear and then ate the whole bear right there in front of me. What do you think of that, Johnny?"
Johnny replies, "Oh yeah, that's my dog Sparky. That's his third bear this week."
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
When my wife left, I felt a little sad in the beginning.
Then I got a dog; bought a Harley; and asked out a pretty neighbor next door. My life was definitely looking better and brighter…
But now I’m thinking that I might be in trouble once my wife gets back home from work.
Then I got a dog; bought a Harley; and asked out a pretty neighbor next door. My life was definitely looking better and brighter…
But now I’m thinking that I might be in trouble once my wife gets back home from work.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Mystero the Magnificent is performing his magic act for the last time.
He comes to the finale of his act, and asks for a volunteer to come on stage.
"I've been practicing this trick for years but never performed it in front of a crowd. You are about to witness my finest 'miracle'"
His assistant wheels on stage an anvil on a small table and a small sledgehammer. Mystero places his head on the anvil and asks the volunteer to hit him as hard as he can on his head.
Three days later, Mystero is still in a coma. A local news crew comes to the hospital to tell his story. As they are filming, Mystero
opens his eyes...
The news crew is ecstatic to get his first words.
Mystero struggles to lift his head, leans into the microphone, and says,
"Ta-dah!'
He comes to the finale of his act, and asks for a volunteer to come on stage.
"I've been practicing this trick for years but never performed it in front of a crowd. You are about to witness my finest 'miracle'"
His assistant wheels on stage an anvil on a small table and a small sledgehammer. Mystero places his head on the anvil and asks the volunteer to hit him as hard as he can on his head.
Three days later, Mystero is still in a coma. A local news crew comes to the hospital to tell his story. As they are filming, Mystero
opens his eyes...
The news crew is ecstatic to get his first words.
Mystero struggles to lift his head, leans into the microphone, and says,
"Ta-dah!'
