Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

The teacher asked Little Johnny, "What's two and two?"
He counted 1-2-3-4 on his fingers and said, "Four, teacher?"
She said, "Yes, that's right, but you counted on your fingers. "Put your hands behind your back and tell me what's three and three."
He put his hands behind his back, fumbled around, and answered, "Six, teacher?"
She said, "Yes, that's right, but you were still counting it on your fingers. "Put your hands in your pockets and tell me what's five and five."
He put his hands in his pockets, fumbled around, and replied, "Eleven.

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[KS55]

View attachment 127516

Is your real name Miss Ogenist?

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

Aliens arrive on Earth. A large delegation of countries’ and religious leaders gathers and comes to meet them. After greetings and introductions Earthlings start asking the aliens various questions.

When it’s the Pope’s turn, he asks, “Do you know anything about our Savior and Lord God, Jesus Christ?”

“Oh, Jesus, of course,” replies an alien. “We know him well, he visits us every year to make sure we’re okay.”

Surprised, the Pope exclaims, “Every year? We’ve been waiting for his second coming for over 2,000 years!”

The alien goes, “Hmm, well, maybe he likes our chocolates more than yours.”

The Pope is amazed, “Chocolates?! What does that have to do with Christ?”

“Yeah, chocolates. When he first visited our planet, we gave him a big box of chocolates.... What did you do?”

 

[lawton mellor]

69... bring a toothbrush.

bring the denture grip