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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
sir baconface
Well-Known Member
A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman."
She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."
Later that day, the teenager came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.
"Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.
“And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."
Later that day, the teenager came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.
"Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.
“And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
Paddy's wife gave birth to triplets!!
How in gods name did that happen says Paddy ??
His wife replies. Remember the night i was dry and we had no vaseline so i used 3 in 1 oil"
Holy Jaysus says Paddy, I'm fucking glad we didn't use WD40!
How in gods name did that happen says Paddy ??
His wife replies. Remember the night i was dry and we had no vaseline so i used 3 in 1 oil"
Holy Jaysus says Paddy, I'm fucking glad we didn't use WD40!
jimharri
Moderator
For sale: DeLorean DMC-12.
No time wasters.
No time wasters.
Squelch
Well-Known Member
I said to my wife the other day, "You haven't got a bra on, have you?".
"How can you tell? Is it because my nipples are sticking out?", she asked.
"No, all the wrinkles in your face have disappeared".
"How can you tell? Is it because my nipples are sticking out?", she asked.
"No, all the wrinkles in your face have disappeared".
jimharri
Moderator
Went to the sperm clinic earlier.
The lady asked if I'd like to masturbate in the cup?
I said 'I'm good but I'm not ready for competition yet'
The lady asked if I'd like to masturbate in the cup?
I said 'I'm good but I'm not ready for competition yet'
jimharri
Moderator
What's Whitney Houston's favourite bodily coordination?
HHAAANNNDDD EEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
HHAAANNNDDD EEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
dickie davies
Well-Known Member
A masked armed robber is holding up a bank, when a very brave customer jumps up and moves the robber's mask and shouts "I've seen your face"
The robber shoots the customer dead and screams "did anyone else see my face?"
A man lying on the floor replies "that **** with the united shirt on caught a glance"
The robber shoots the customer dead and screams "did anyone else see my face?"
A man lying on the floor replies "that **** with the united shirt on caught a glance"