Joke thread

3 Mancs in a bar.

Dave says "My locals better than this, in my local you buy 2 drinks and the 3rd drink free"

Steve says "Well in my local you buy 1 drink and you get the 2nd free"

Brian says "That`s nothing in my local you buy the 1st drink then the 2ND, 3RD, 4TH, 5TH, 6TH, 7TH are free. Then you go out the back and get a shag"

Wow says the other two, "has that actually happened to you?"

No says Brian "but it happened to my sister.
:-|
 
Phoned babestation the other night and got through to the girl on screen.

Hi babe, what can I do for you?

I'd disappear for ten minutes if I were you, my girlfriends on her way over and I've lost the remote.

Or you could have said "Open your legs, give us a close up, and masturbate with squirting". Your girlfriend would then have just thought it was Jamie Carragher analysing the Liverpool game.
 
At weekend my son asked me if I would buy him a new bike. I said “Son, if you really want something in life you have to work for it."

Then I told him to be quiet because they were just about to announce the lottery numbers!!..
 

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