Joke thread

[RadcliffeRick]

So this Eskimo’s ski-doo breaks down and he gets it to the local garage , the mechanic says leave it with me come back in an hour,
So the Eskimo returns and the mechanics there and says to the Eskimo I think you’ve blown a seal ? The Eskimo replies’ no mate it’s just a bit of frost bite.....

The original

 

[A57 the snake]

The original

Brilliant never seen that before..., :)

 

[Cellarite]

Something didn't half hit my front window with a thud. I went outside to investigate and it's the ball from Sterling's penalty

Where did you leave your coat?

 

[LWashington]

Something didn't half hit my front window with a thud. I went outside to investigate and it's the ball from Sterling's penalty

I could have been worse, due to the posts on the last page. I expected the punchline to be Midge Ure's cock.

 

[RadcliffeRick]

I could have been worse, due to the posts on the last page. I expected the punchline to be Midge Ure's cock.

I've err my friend has been told ure cock is like a midges

 

[dickie davies]

The gas man knocked at a door, young lad about 14 answered in suspenders, wig, basque, full make-up, glass of brandy and a spliff like a Cornetto.
Gas man says, 'Hiya mate, is your mam or dad in?'
Kid replies, 'What do you fuckin think?'

 

[Fred_Quimby]

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven
1st woman: Hi! Carol.
2nd woman: Hi! Lucy. How did you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive!

 

[Dicko69]

 

[sir baconface]

 

[yeseye]

Andy Murray has tested positive for being a boring bastard