Joke thread

[Fred_Quimby]

Since you bought the waterbed, we have slowly drifted apart.

 

[MellowJoe]

I'm a workaholic.. for years now I've been hopelessly addicted to workahol.

I think I've said it before, but koalas, polars, grizzlies, pandas.. it bears repeating.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

My dads sister works in a Paris bakery and hates it.

She's a cross aunt

 

[Fred_Quimby]

 

[Chippy_boy]

I asked Google to tell me a joke yesterday and it came up with this one, which (unusually) made me laugh out loud:

Did you hear about the man who invented the knock knock joke?

He's been awarded the Nobel prize.

 

[lefty goldblatt]

 

[bluemoon32]

I got a good deal on a telly off eBay.
It’s in really condition except that the volume knob is stuck on high.
- well, I couldn’t turn that down

 

[Big Swifty]

I asked Google to tell me a joke yesterday and it came up with this one, which (unusually) made me laugh out loud:

Did you hear about the man who invented the knock knock joke?

He's been awarded the Nobel prize.

The man who invented predictive text has died.

May he rust in piss.

 

[Dicko69]

 

[lefty goldblatt]

Every morning this week, I've opened the curtains only to find a German Shepherd shitting on my lawn.

Dirty bastard brought his dog, today.