Joke thread

Three gnus in a forest.

Mummy gnu says to daddy gnu 'darling, we're running low on food, would you be a love and pop out and get some for us? Thanks sweetie'. 'Sure thing' says daddy gnu, 'love you all, see ya soon' and off he trots.

Two weeks pass and there's no sign of daddy gnu returning. 'Mummy I'm really hungry, says baby gnu'. 'OK, it looks like daddy gnu has got lost, I'll go out and get some food. We've eaten everything here and the cupboards are bare'. 'Love you mummy gnu, come back soon'. And off trots mummy gnu into the forest.

Two weeks later and mummy gnu isn't coming back. Baby gnu decides he really has to leave home and find some food, he's starving. So off he trots into the forest.

'Well, that's the end of the gnus, now it's time for the weather - Angela, will it rain again tonight?'
 
The Black Shed said:
Three gnus in a forest.

Mummy gnu says to daddy gnu 'darling, we're running low on food, would you be a love and pop out and get some for us? Thanks sweetie'. 'Sure thing' says daddy gnu, 'love you all, see ya soon' and off he trots.

Two weeks pass and there's no sign of daddy gnu returning. 'Mummy I'm really hungry, says baby gnu'. 'OK, it looks like daddy gnu has got lost, I'll go out and get some food. We've eaten everything here and the cupboards are bare'. 'Love you mummy gnu, come back soon'. And off trots mummy gnu into the forest.

Two weeks later and mummy gnu isn't coming back. Baby gnu decides he really has to leave home and find some food, he's starving. So off he trots into the forest.

'Well, that's the end of the gnus, now it's time for the weather - Angela, will it rain again tonight?'
Click to expand...
Jokes are meant to be humorous, that one really depressed me.
 
A little baby polar bear walked up to his brother and asked 'are you sure I'm a polar bear ?
His brother replied 'of course you are I'm a polar bear and you're my brother so you are as well
So little baby polar bear walked up to his grandma and asked Am I a polar bear ?
Grandma replied Well I'm a polar bear and your daddy is my son and he is a polar bear so yes you are.
Not content the little baby polar bear went to his mummy and asked if he was a polar bear Of course you are my beautiful little baby we are all polar bears.
He then went and approached his dad but before he could ask the question his dad said 'Why are you asking everyone if you are a polar bear and the little one replied 'Because I'm fucking freezing'
 
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Mark Knopfler comes home carrying a large picture frame and a bag of chips.

His missus says, " What've you been up to?"

He replies, "I was at the Auction House and got a rare French Impressionist painting and I got you something from the chippy on the way home."

"How much have you spent this time?"

"Nowt." says Mark, "I got the Monet for nothing and the chips for free."
 
The Black Shed said:
Three gnus in a forest.

Mummy gnu says to daddy gnu 'darling, we're running low on food, would you be a love and pop out and get some for us? Thanks sweetie'. 'Sure thing' says daddy gnu, 'love you all, see ya soon' and off he trots.

Two weeks pass and there's no sign of daddy gnu returning. 'Mummy I'm really hungry, says baby gnu'. 'OK, it looks like daddy gnu has got lost, I'll go out and get some food. We've eaten everything here and the cupboards are bare'. 'Love you mummy gnu, come back soon'. And off trots mummy gnu into the forest.

Two weeks later and mummy gnu isn't coming back. Baby gnu decides he really has to leave home and find some food, he's starving. So off he trots into the forest.

'Well, that's the end of the gnus, now it's time for the weather - Angela, will it rain again tonight?'
Click to expand...

Shit….but I like it. :)
 
bluemoon32 said:
Mark Knopfler comes home carrying a large picture frame and a bag of chips.

His missus says, " What've you been up to?"

He replies, "I was at the Auction House and got a rare French Impressionist painting and I got you something from the chippy on the way home."

"How much have you spent this time?"

"Nowt." says Mark, "I got the Monet for nothing and the chips for free."
Click to expand...
I thank u
 
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