Joke thread

[Bill Walker]

The man who invented the throat lozenger passed away yesterday.

The service will be held next Friday.

There will be no coffin at his funeral.

 

[ray21]

Scousers

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I fancied taking part in a marathon. I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties.
I thought, fuck me, I might win this.

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[sir baconface]

 

[Hayley Croppers chopper]

The man who invented the throat lozenger passed away yesterday.

The service will be held next Friday.

There will be no coffin at his funeral.

Thats really sad.
Will you be going, did you know him at all?

 

[patrickkinney]

Was reading this thread earlier, I was on page 12 and saw this:

a policeman stops a drunk driver and asks him to take a breath test, driver pulls out an nhs card "this man is asthmatic, please dont take his breath. cop ask him to take a blood test, driver pulls out nhs card this man is anaemic please dont take his blood.cop ask him to take a urine test, driver pulls a third card out, this man ia a arsenal season ticket holder, please dont take the piss

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[DrBlueBob]

Thats really sad.
Will you be going, did you know him at all?

It wasn't the cough that finished him off, it was the coffin they carried him off in.

 

[jimharri]

Remember when you used to be able to get air for your tyres at your local petrol station for free? You have to pay for it now. Bloody inflation.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

We‘ve nicknamed our grandad Spiderman.

He doesn’t have any special powers; he just can’t get out of the bath.

 

[Blue Mist]

We‘ve nicknamed our grandad Spiderman.

He doesn’t have any special powers; he just can’t get out of the bath.

There was a similar one but can't remember it, it involved throwing the washing in as he was trying to get out

 

[blue44]

 

[Fred_Quimby]

If you rotate your phone the number of donkeys will increase

 

[JRockBlues]

Last night I dreamed I was eating a curry. When I woke up my pilau was gone.

 

[Beswick Prize Band]

Little old lady having consultation with Doctor. Doctor says,"Yes that was very loud ,but said ,can I hear your heart"

 

[Bill Walker]

I buy all my furniture and bathroom fittings from a local Chinese restaurant.

Last night I ordered a Suite and Shower

 

[Indaparkside]

Knew a guy who kept loads of farm vehicles for a hobby he sold them and moved on to collecting air conditioning units, I suppose you can call in an EXtractor fan