Joke thread

Blue Mist said:
Cross Eyed ffs. It's a cross eyed teacher.
Click to expand...

haha, I had a similar joke problem, hearing a joke at a drunken party:

A wrestler and his wife went for a meal in a nice restaurant, halfway through the wrestler had to go to the loo. When he got back his wife was visibly upset. “What’s up?“ he asked, she replied “that drunk guy came over when you‘d gone, and said I had great boobs” - the wrestler stands up, “then he said he wanted to play with my nipples” - the wrestler takes his jacket off “then he said he wanted to fill my fanny full of lard, and drink it through a straw” - wrestler sits back down “well, aren’t you going to do something?” His wife says, the wrestler replies “Lord no, any man that can drink 10 pints of lard through a straw is a better man than me”

I loved that joke and retold it for a couple of years until some smart arse said “shouldn't ‘lard’ be ‘lager‘?“ and I realised I’d misheard and suddenly it wasn’t as funny ;)
 
In the early 1900s an Anglican missionary , in South Africa, was attempting to convert the local Zulu tribes to Christianity. He entered a settlement and faced a line of warriors, half naked and carrying spears. He approached cautiously and they started chanting "WUZULU..WUZULU" Encouraged he opened his bible, raised his eyes to the skies, and started reading passages from the scriptures. Chants of "WUZULU..WUZULU" continued. Finally the tribal chief, with a top hat and a bone through his nose, strode up to him and spoke in a cut glass Oxford accent "Well old boy we did try to warn you but you approached the village through the cattle kralls and kept stepping in the steaming hot mounds of WUZULU.WUZULU."
 
fanatic1 said:
In the early 1900s an Anglican missionary , in South Africa, was attempting to convert the local Zulu tribes to Christianity. He entered a settlement and faced a line of warriors, half naked and carrying spears. He approached cautiously and they started chanting "WUZULU..WUZULU" Encouraged he opened his bible, raised his eyes to the skies, and started reading passages from the scriptures. Chants of "WUZULU..WUZULU" continued. Finally the tribal chief, with a top hat and a bone through his nose, strode up to him and spoke in a cut glass Oxford accent "Well old boy we did try to warn you but you approached the village through the cattle kralls and kept stepping in the steaming hot mounds of WUZULU.WUZULU."
Click to expand...
Ever since I was a kid Zulus have had bones through their nose, you dont see it so much nowadays.
Joke was shit by the way.
 
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