Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

I stole a giant boardgame

It was the biggest risk I've ever taken

 

[Lavinda Past]

Elton John is really good at the piano but he sucks on an organ.

 

[KS55]

I stole a giant boardgame

It was the biggest risk I've ever taken

Ludocrous.

 

[BigJoe#1]

Just thinking…..
In 3,026 years from now,
Life will either be really good or really bad….










It will be 5050………

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[BigJoe#1]

Women are always complaining that us men never listen………
Well I can honestly say I’ve never heard
my wife say that………

 

[Lavinda Past]

A sloth is mugged by a gang of snails. The jungle police arrive and ask if the sloth can give the a description of the perpetrators.

“Not really,” says the sloth, “it all happened so fast…..”

 

[Lavinda Past]

Bill and Ben the Flower Pot Men..

Bill to Ben: flubulubalubalblub

Ben to Bill: If you really love me you’ll swallow that

 

[horlock_was_super]

View attachment 129876

What about The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle then?

 

[Lavinda Past]

I've been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don't feel like I'm progressing.

It's just one step forward and two steps back.

 

[Lavinda Past]

What about The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle then?

I don’t write 'em, I only steal 'em....

Good call!

 

[Lavinda Past]

I got a job making breakfast after a swingers party

I had to stir the porridge

 

[Barcon]

I've been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don't feel like I'm progressing.

It's just one step forward and two steps back.

No dips?

 

[Lavinda Past]

A drunk guy is in a bar and has to do #2. So he goes to the toilet. He's in there quite a while and making a lot of noise, so the bar manager comes in there.

"What seems to be the problem in here? You're screaming and scaring the customers."

"I'm trying to take a shit and every time I try to flush, something comes up and grabs my balls and squeezes them!"

"That's because you're sitting on the mop bucket, dummy!"

 

[Lavinda Past]

No dips?

They won't let me near the buffet.

 

[Lavinda Past]

My granddad used to circumcise elephants for the circus.

He said the job was tough, but the tips were huge.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I met a lovely woman who happens to have dwarfism.

We hit it off great and went on a date. I'm not sure if it's love, but I'm just nuts over her.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Sunday school teacher asks the class what part of you does God take to heaven?

First girl says "your hands, because when you pray you hold your hands up"

Second boy says "your head, because when you think about God it's with your head!"

Little Johnny speaks up "it's your feet! I heard my mom just a few days ago yelling "Oh god, oh god, I'm coming!" When I went to see what was happening her feet were up in the air and if my dad hadn't pinned her down I think we would have lost her!"

 

[Lavinda Past]

Have you heard about the lonely gynecologist?

He tried to look up all his old girlfriends.