LWashington
Well-Known Member
My girlfriend said that she was leaving me because of my obsession with cleaning, but I just brushed it off.
Joke thread
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LWashington
Well-Known Member
My friend has lost his house, his job, his wife and all his money but I was able to offer him some crumbs of comfort.
He said, "Mate, that fabric conditioner is well out of date."
He said, "Mate, that fabric conditioner is well out of date."
Tuearts right boot
Well-Known Member
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A bagpiper was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside servicefor a homeless man who had no family or friends.
The funeral was to be at a new cemetery in the remote countryside, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.
As the bagpiper was not familiar with the area, he got hopelessly lost.
He finally arrived two hours late and saw the digger and the crew who were eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight.
He apologized to the workers for his tardiness, then stepped to the side of the open grave where he saw the vault lid already in place.
He assured the workers he would not hold them up for long, but said that this was the proper thing to do.
The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch.
The piper played out his heart and soul, and as he played, the workers began to weep. He played everything from "Going Home" and "The Lord is My Shepherd", to "Flowers of the Forest", closing with "Amazing Grace.”
He then packed up his bagpipes and walked back to his car.
As he drove off, one of the workers said to another, "Sweet Jesus Mary and Joseph, I’ve never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been puttin’ in septic tanks for twenty years!"
The funeral was to be at a new cemetery in the remote countryside, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.
As the bagpiper was not familiar with the area, he got hopelessly lost.
He finally arrived two hours late and saw the digger and the crew who were eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight.
He apologized to the workers for his tardiness, then stepped to the side of the open grave where he saw the vault lid already in place.
He assured the workers he would not hold them up for long, but said that this was the proper thing to do.
The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch.
The piper played out his heart and soul, and as he played, the workers began to weep. He played everything from "Going Home" and "The Lord is My Shepherd", to "Flowers of the Forest", closing with "Amazing Grace.”
He then packed up his bagpipes and walked back to his car.
As he drove off, one of the workers said to another, "Sweet Jesus Mary and Joseph, I’ve never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been puttin’ in septic tanks for twenty years!"
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A woman was seen on the motorway, driving and knitting at the same time.
The police drove alongside her and yelled "pull over!".
She shouted back, "no, it's a cardigan"
The police drove alongside her and yelled "pull over!".
She shouted back, "no, it's a cardigan"
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
They say we're young and we don't know
We won't find out until we grow.
Well I don't know if all that's true
'Cause you got me, and baby I got you
Just thought I'd Cher that with you.
We won't find out until we grow.
Well I don't know if all that's true
'Cause you got me, and baby I got you
Just thought I'd Cher that with you.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
I'm going out tonight to see a band called Prevention...
Apparently, they're better than The Cure
Apparently, they're better than The Cure
