Joke thread

[Hertzblue]

Definitely going to hell

 

[citizen_maine]

Definitely going to hell
View attachment 137958

It was only 3 pages ago

 

[Vienna_70]

View attachment 137919

So the rags have already reduced scruffy Jim to this?

 

[Lavinda Past]

I'm not sure how a life threatening disease will help

 

[Lavinda Past]

Does anyone know of a book about DIY funerals?

Casking for a friend

 

[Lavinda Past]

My obese parrot died yesterday.

Sad I know but it’s a huge weight off my shoulders.

 

[kippaxneil]

Happy Birthday today to my darling wife. In the spirit of being an old fashioned romantic, I have bought her a new fridge as a present.
I think she really liked it. When she opened it, her face lit up.

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Sam101]

Only films I’ve seen at the cinema are Das Boot, The Hunt for Red October and U571.

I only go for subtitles.

 

[Sam101]

A friend told me an interesting fact the other day;


A shark will only attack you if you're wet. .

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

My mate's gran and grandad were killed in a terrible accident during a boat trip in Venice.

I sent them my gondolances.

 

[Sam101]

Anyone know how to get rid of condensation in the kitchen?

If so, pop around any time, the kettle's always on.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Anyone know how to get rid of condensation in the kitchen?

If so, pop around any time, the kettle's always on.

I complained to my landlord about my heating bills being so high.

I told him to come round any time, my door is always open

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[Sam101]

It was the happiest day of my life.

Arrived at church. wife waiting at altar.

Walked up the aisle. Kissed her on the cheek, smiled and closed the fucking lid.

 

[Sam101]

Chromosomes, a beginner's guide:



XY = Male


XX = Female


YYY = Delilah

 

[Vienna_70]

I laughed at it too.