Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

Just saw on the news that three cliff walkers have died today.

What a coincidence, all three having the same name.

 

[Lavinda Past]

They say that the first step is the hardest.

When I went to the swimming pool it was the third step... just before the cold water hit my bollocks.

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

The woman next door is just back from Turkey where she had one of those bum lift ops.

It looks like she's only had one buttock done. The surgeon's done a right half arsed job.

 

[Lavinda Past]

There's a spam email going round asking recipients to spell 'part' backwards.

Don't do it... it's a trap.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Little known fact... the rapper Cardi B has a brother who is a construction equipment manufacturer

His name is JC.

 

[sir baconface]

The Church of England appoints Big Sam to shore things up until the end of the season.

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Sam101]

I used to be a decent wrestler so when the wife had triplets I named them Niagara, Victoria and “The Hunt For Red October”.



Two falls and a sub mission.

 

[sir baconface]

 

[Sam101]

We went for a Chinese last night.
I ordered from the specials board,
I had too much foo yung.

 

[Sam101]

A Farmer went out in the snow one morning, to tend to his cows and found them all frozen.


A woman was passing by,she breathed on them and each one defrosted.


The farmer said to her, “Are you an Angel sent from heaven?”



“No”, said the woman,


“I’m Thora Hird!”

 

[KS55]

A Farmer went out in the snow one morning, to tend to his cows and found them all frozen.


A woman was passing by,she breathed on them and each one defrosted.


The farmer said to her, “Are you an Angel sent from heaven?”



“No”, said the woman,


“I’m Thora Hird!”

Crikey.

 

[Sam101]

I spent this afternoon at the wife's grave.

She still thinks it’s going to be a fishpond.

 

[Sam101]

We used to have a girl in our school nicknamed "Thunder thighs."


Her legs weren't fat though , they were just blown off by lightning.

 

[Casey69]

If there is a pork pie on top of Bradford town hall clock, what time is it?

Summat ta ate !