Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

My mate's got a date with a woman who identifies as a dustbin. He can’t remember if he's taking her out on Tuesday or Wednesday

 

[Lavinda Past]

If you get a friend request from Jock Strap ignore it, he's a nut case

 

[Lavinda Past]

The Baby Jesus was 7 pounds 4 ounces at birth.
This was determined through a weigh in a manger.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I had a clock implanted in my brain but now i'm having second thoughts

 

[Lavinda Past]

Went to the doctors as I thought I was turning into a sheet of glass.

They took tests and I've been given the all clear.

 

[DrBlueBob]

Went to the doctors as I thought I was turning into a sheet of glass.

They took tests and I've been given the all clear.

I'm pleased that you're ok but it must have been a pane.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

After his examination, the doctor said to an old man 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any question?

'In fact, I do.' said the old man.. "After I have sex with the wife, I am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."

The doctor could not find any explanation for this.

After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time; and hot & sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?'

*"Oh, the silly old bugger''* she replied.

*That's because the first time is usually in December, and the second is in June*

I’m cold and then cold again :-(

 

[Blue Llama]

Two Scotsmen getting married this weekend:
Ben Doon & Phil McCracken

Omg I heard that in the early 1960s, when I was 14.

 

[Blue Llama]

Two Irishmen getting married this weekend:
Patrick Fitzgerald & Gerald Fitzpatrick

And that one

 

[sir baconface]