Joke thread

[blue44]

 

[LWashington]

I'm starting a new job in a restaurant tomorrow.

I can't wait

I bet that's because you've bought Nu Shooz for the occasion.

 

[Kippax77]

View attachment 139862

Great film

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[LWashington]

I was doing the pub pop quiz the other night, when the announcer said,
"Question Five: What one word links a Theatre Of Hate song with a German synth pop band ?"
Before I could write anything, this busty MILF in a small top, sat at the table next to me, leaned across and whispered, "Propaganda".
I said, "Cheers Love, don't mind if I do. Nice tits, have you got them both pierced or just the left one ?"

 

[Lavinda Past]

Just had the local school choir round singing Christmas songs.

I was gonna give em a quid but according to them I'm "a scumbag, a maggot and a cheap lousy faggot"

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

I got a new stick deodorant today.

The instructions said remove top and push up bottom.

I can barely walk, but when I fart the room smells lovely.

 

[meltonblue]

No wonder people struggle to save for a deposit when coffee costs so much nowadays…

 

[Lavinda Past]

I said to my doctor, I've had a sore throat since I swallowed one of the Christmas decorations .

The doctor replied, you've got tinsellitis.