Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

Does anyone know if the Mrs Brown's Boys Christmas special is a repeat this year, or have I got to smash another fucking telly?.

 

[TinFoilHat]

Does anyone know if the Mrs Brown's Boys Christmas special is a repeat this year, or have I got to smash another fucking telly?.

It's the same script recycled every year.

I think Brendan O'Carroll must have copies of the 1970s/80s BBC Christmas party tapes as they keep paying him to produce this shite.

 

[Bri1975]

 

[Blue Mist]

Oh brilliant what a response.
Here's me thinking 'well fuck you' was a great response :-)
That was exceptional.
Take a bow

 

[Bri1975]

 

[Casey69]

What do you call a man who has been attacked by a lion ? Claude!

 

[Lavinda Past]

What do you call a man who has been attacked by a lion ? Claude!

What do you call a French woman whose chapeau has been damaged by a lion?

Claudette

 

[Lavinda Past]

Unbelievable - 363 days until Christmas and people down our street already have their lights up!

 

[Lavinda Past]

Did anyone ever work out what the Knights in white sat in..?

 

[Vienna_70]

What do Greeks eat on 14th February?

St Valentine's Day Moussaka.

 

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

What's more profitable, a brothel in a house, or a brothel in a bungalow?

The bungalow.. because there's no fucking overheads.

Why are they called bungalows?

When a builder was building a house in 1934, the customer ran out of money, so he said the the builder "just bung a low roof on it"

 

[Lavinda Past]

When I first saw those TV ads for a "Virgin Experience", I thought they were selling brothel vouchers.

 

[Lavinda Past]

An octogenarian married a woman in her twenties, and asked his doctor how he could keep her sexually satisfied.

The doctor winked and suggested that he may want to take on a youthful boarder to stay with them.

A couple of months later, he went to the doctor and announced that his wife was now pregnant.

“Oh, I assume that you took my advice about the boarder,” the doctor chuckled.

“Yes, I did" said the man... "She’s pregnant too!”

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

With only days to go, it's time to start my New Year's resolution list...

In 2025, I'm going to be less condescending.


BTW... **condescending** means treating people like they have less intelligence than yourself.



....

 

[Lavinda Past]

Sad news, the inventor of the throat lozenge has passed away.

His last request was that there be no coffin at his funeral.

 

[Hertzblue]

 

[Lavinda Past]

An armed robber held up a seafood shop.

He told the terrified staff, "Don't move a mussell".

 

[Lavinda Past]

My mate got his wife a pug dog for Christmas.

Despite the bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her.