Joke thread

ColinBellsjockstrap said:
Two Irish lads are strolling down a street in Liverpool, England, when they spot a shop window that reads:
Suits £10, Jackets £7.50, Trousers and Dresses £5.00.
One turns to the other and says,
"Would ya look at those feckin' prices? We could buy a boatload, haul it back to Ireland , and make a fortune — double, maybe even treble the money!"

The other lad says,
"That’s a grand idea, but d’ya think they’ll sell to us if they know we’re Irish?"
The first lad grins and says,
"Don’t worry, I’ve got this," and walks in, putting on his finest English accent:
"Good afternoon! I'd like twenty suits, thirty jackets, fifty pairs of trousers, and twenty-five dresses, please."

The shop assistant squints and says,
"You’re Irish, aren’t you?"
The lad replies,
"Ah feck, how’d ya guess?"
The assistant smiles and says,
"This is a dry cleaners."
Click to expand...
Racist!!!
 
Mother snake and toddler snake happily slithering through the forest ...
Toddler snake suddenly stops and asks "hey mum, are we venomous"?
Mother snake replies "err, i'm not sure my dear, why"?
Toddler snake says "well i think I've just bitten me tongue"!

1766658994946.jpeg
 
Last edited:
English man, Scotsman and an Irish man die on Christmas Eve and meet saint Peter at the pearly gates. Peter says “at this time of year, you must have something on you that represents Christmas to enter”. The English man pulls out his lighter and says “Christmas candles”, Peter waves him through. The Scotsman pulls out a bunch of keys jangles them and says “sleigh bells”. Peter waves him through. The Irish man pulls out a bra and g-string, Peter says “what’s that to do with Christmas?”, “they’re Carols” he replies
 
Uwe Already said:
English man, Scotsman and an Irish man die on Christmas Eve and meet saint Peter at the pearly gates. Peter says “at this time of year, you must have something on you that represents Christmas to enter”. The English man pulls out his lighter and says “Christmas candles”, Peter waves him through. The Scotsman pulls out a bunch of keys jangles them and says “sleigh bells”. Peter waves him through. The Irish man pulls out a bra and g-string, Peter says “what’s that to do with Christmas?”, “they’re Carols” he replies
Click to expand...
That’s a cracker. ……..Sorry, that’s a cracker joke.
 
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