Joke thread

[RadcliffeRick]

Just seen a woman in floods of tears at the side of the road.

She just broke down

 

[RadcliffeRick]

My youngest is in hospital after swallowing some coins. I just called and asked how he is, the doctor said no change

 

[dronefromsector7G]

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic... He said, "Sure, knock yourself out”

 

[chrishull]

I went to a tailor and told him I didn't need any help.
He said, "Fine, suit yourself"

 

[dickie davies]

 

[Bill Walker]

A man died today due to his obsession of taking photos of himself next to a boiling kettle.

We believe he had serious selfie steam issues.

 

[Bill Walker]

I was in a pub last night telling my mate a joke, I said what do you do when an epileptics having a fit in the Bath ?
No idea , he said
I replied throw the washing in.

A guy on the next table said my brother was epileptic and he died in the Bath , wishing the floor would open up and swallow me I said I'm so sorry please accept my apologies, what happened did he drown?
No he said he choked on a sock

 

[r.soleofsalford]

My favourite sex position is the Bucking Bronco. You take her doggy style, gently cup her breasts, then whisper in her ear "I've been shagging your sister". See how long you can stay on for.

I`ve been telling this one for years but never had the courage to use it in action.

So to speak.

 

[Bill Walker]

Got so drunk last night when I got home I had a fight with the mop , obviously I won
I wiped the floor with it.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

Got so drunk last night when I got home I had a fight with the mop , obviously I won
I wiped the floor with it.

Did you take it to the cleaners?