Just Sharted!!!!

[gaudinho's stolen car]

That horrible feeling when you can sense it brewing inside you (with no lav anywhere within range) and you can't hold back any longer. And it doesn't half attract the flies this time of year; pity it doesn't do the same with the ladies!

Do you think this woman had followed through?

 

[mcfc_ms]

Was on holiday in lake como and was on the coach going back to Milan airport. Not had a shit for a few days so tried to force one out before the coach left. Nothing would peep it's head out, so just got on the coach thinking that if I really needed one it would arrive at the airport. About 5 minutes into the 2 hour coach ride, my arse decided that now would be the most innapropriate time to release the poo. Stomach churning, I thought that letting a small bit of gas out would be the best option. Big mistake as a small chunk of Molton poo seeped out. I managed to stop the flow quite quickly, but the remaining 2 hours I was sat holding in severe diahorea that could easily killEd every person on board the coach. Quite proud of being able to hold it in that long, it was very painful. As soon as I arrived at the airport i did a 100m sprint to the bogs to let it out. Only then I realised how bad things could have got. I was actually grateful that the amount that seeped out was so small.

Ever since then, I have always made sure I travel on a coach with a toilet, or at the very least a sink.

 

[Kevblue]

I sharted once standing in the hallway of my house, right beside the bathroom. There was a fair bit of brown soup that came out and some ended up running down the side of my leg. It's a good job I was in the house when it happened!

 

[Big G]

The blag Shart can be rather annoying, sat there or doing whatever you are doing when the volcano erupts in your guts, you pull that sour face and give it some "Oh fook bog quick" and run to the toilet Stan Laurel stylee, drop your kecks and unclench the cheeks to dish out some mass destruction and ........






















.... "PFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

You drop an award winning non pooing fart into the echoing porcelein, sat there quite pissed off that your alone and not in an area to share sound.

 

[Lucky Toma]

Only sharted once and its the reason why I'll always defend Gazza against any criticism he may get these days.

Its because we both experienced one of our all-time lows at exactly the same time.

Was in bed with the flu watching the Spurs/Forest cup final in 91.
As Gazza flew in, knee-high, in a wild attempt to amputate Gary Charles - and in the event bust his own leg - I was doing my own version of following through.

 

[Pezzer2]

sat in Mcdonalds in Malia and my mate was sat there in just a pair of white shorts, he thought it would be wise to perch up his arse cheek and slip one out with a grimace on his face. What happened next was pricless, he just looked at me stony faced and said "quick go back the hotel and get me a towel and make sure its not white" I acted confused asking why and to my amusement he was dripping all down his leg (The fresh orange and vodka we drank the last few days had just seeped out of his arse) I walked back the hotel in hysterics to get a towel, people were walking past me thinking I'd lost the plot. I Got back to mcdonalds to find it Heaving with him sat there with an empty Mcdonalds packet with a swarm of flies around him

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Was on a foreign trek somewhere remote and early in the day I realised I had an issue. Since we were walking miles sans bog in mixed company I thought the sensible thing was to OD on Immodium, which I duly did. Thought no more about it. That night I needed a leak and so crept out of the tent in my only pair of holiday shorts. The next couple of minutes activity can be accurately guessed. It was only when I stooped to enter the tent did the sewn-in groundsheet of my shorts give way in spectacular fashion and alert me to my situation.

So I was in the pitch dark, in a desert, no washing facilities, no rubbish disposal and my only shorts were a write-off. I ended up wearing some souvenir shalwar kameez throughout the trip (looked like an extra from a Bollywood film) and carrying my soiled shorts in a plastic bag in my rucksack. They certainly attracted the flies when I dropped them off in the first rubbish bin I found in a town after 2 weeks on the road.

And the moral of the story is: Immodium does not cure diarrhoea, it only puts a temporary cork on the symptoms.

 

[Freestyler]

we had a thread on people sharting themselves.

i wish i could see it again, needless to say it was one of the best threads ever on bluemoon.

the bloke who threw his dump out the window and it landed on the conservatory roof whilst they were eating breakfast is a classic lol

 

[scall11]

Brilliant. When a similar thread seeped out (arf arf) a year or so ago, it was the funniest thing I ever read on here.

Please, spill your guts (he he), and type away. These kinda threads are so funny.

 

[MCFCinUSA]

Brilliant. When a similar thread seeped out (arf arf) a year or so ago, it was the funniest thing I ever read on here.

Please, spill your guts (he he), and type away. These kinda threads are so funny.

one of my favourites (that I read) was the overly indulgent Christmas party and puking on the way to the bathroom in the restaurant at someone else's table and indirectly splattering the back of an innocent bystander's party dress... it was beautifully described too.... forget what thread that came from, but I do remember posting up a third party toilet story on something akin to this thread sometime back...

(and I'm wondering if I can find it again...)