Liverpool Thread 2014/15

Status
Not open for further replies.
Re: The Red Lion Pub Team (Liverpool) Thread 2014/15

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Sorry, just remembered the result and it set me off again
 
Re: The Red Lion Pub Team (Liverpool) Thread 2014/15

Damocles said:
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Sorry, just remembered the result and it set me off again
Click to expand...

I was trying to point out on the match thread last night that a 1-1 draw was far more painful for the Red Lion than 0-1 and as a result more deliciously funny for us, but no one would listen :(
 
Re: The Red Lion Pub Team (aka Liverpool) Thread 2014/15

Damocles said:
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Click to expand...
Ha ha.
 
Re: The Red Lion Pub Team (Liverpool) Thread 2014/15

superseiyan said:
everythingchangesbutblue said:
superseiyan said:
Question to Bluemooners (piss-take's aside for a moment):

After a team like ourselves or Spurs sell a Suarez or Bale, the mantra is that you go for quality over quantity. So far, so good. Now here's the question I've been wondering about.

Can a team like Liverpool even attract a quality player? We've been unable to do Costa and Sanchez recently.

Maybe we should've bought a 30-40M attacker and a 30-40M defensive all-action midfielder, but 1. Were any available at that price in this market? 2. Would they want to come? and 3. Could we have paid the wages?

I think the issue is not so much quality over the quantity. The issue is that the team has a shocking scouting system and our academy is not producing (it looked promising last season with Sterling, Flanagan and Suso). The transfer committee either needs to be fired or ownership/fans need to readjust expectations and be willing to tolerate seasons like this with the hope of challenging for Europe in seasons when the signings supposedly come to fruition.
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Suarez was so good that you should have spent the vast majority of that £120 mil replacing him with just 1 or 2 players even if you had to go way over the odds regarding wages/signing on fees. Last summer was your chance, you blew it bigtime. I honestly feel you may not recover for a generation.
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That's the conundrum. I'm wondering if that is even possible. The other part of the equation is the player wanting to come, but also probably we need better salesmanship from the owners, manager, commercial director and "transfer committee". The player wanting to come is tricky also because it can be an excuse to avoid big wage players. How hard did we really try and go after Sanchez? No one will ever really know.
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Hi fella, see if you can spot the odd one out..

Pellegrini
Mourinho
Wenger
van gaal
Rodgers.


Aguero
sanchez
Costa
Van persie
Lambert


can you see where in going ??
 
Re: The Red Lion Pub Team (Liverpool) Thread 2014/15

aguero93:20 said:
I was trying to point out on the match thread last night that a 1-1 draw was far more painful for the Red Lion than 0-1 and as a result more deliciously funny for us, but no one would listen :(
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Sorry; were you saying something?
 
Re: The Red Lion Pub Team (Liverpool) Thread 2014/15

Man Sends Hilarious Application For The Liverpool Managers Job

Dear Sirs,

I know this goes against normal procedure but I wish to apply for the position of Manager at Liverpool Football Club.
I hope Brendan Rodgers can turn things around, but if he can’t I wanted you to know that I am available. You may not have heard my name before, but after reading my application below I have no doubt that you will be seduced by what I have to offer.

My Experience

I am a very versatile, enthusiastic team player that offers a wealth of experience in the plumbing and heating industry (which could come in very handy during the winter months).

As a football manager, you’ll notice that I have established myself as a leader of some promise

Grantley Girls F.C (Under 8’s)
Record: P2 W0 D1 L1
Resigned due to player insubordination
The Pitcher & Piano (Arbury and District Sunday League)
Record: P1 W0 D1 L0
Took temporary charge after previous manager was put on ‘gardening leave’ (he got a job as a Landscaper)
A creditable 2-2 away draw with the Dog and Duck
So, I have a ‘no lose’ record of 66%, which comfortably puts me up there with the greatest managers in history.

Languages Spoken

English (fluent), French (Grade D at GCSE), Football (“stand him up”, “give and go”, “pump it into the channel”, “oh for f***’* sake Glen/Simon/Martin, not again” etc).

My Football Philosophies

As a keen student of the game, it is clear to me that football has changed quite significantly over the past decade. Following thorough research, I have identified three tactics that will enable us to gain a key advantage over our opponents.

Get It Up To The Big Lad
As the name suggests, this unique tactic is based on getting the ball forward early – without neglecting our defensive duties. The big man will then flick the ball to a teammate; five of whom will be swarming around him like flies around a particularly pungent turd. This strength in numbers approach will surely see us score loads of goals every game.

Screen Shot 2014-12-10 at 10.08.36

The bloke on the right is Tor Hogne Aaroy, the world’s tallest striker at 6ft 9in. I’ve never seen him play so don’t know if he’s any good or not, but in a squad containing Balotelli and Borini to be honest that’s irrelevant. That said, he’s spent most of his career in the second tiers of Norwegian and Japanese football, so you know this lad’s got pedigree.

Deep Heat
Once we’ve taken the lead using the tactic outlined above, we will then defend stoically using this strategy that I’ve codenamed ‘Deep Heat’. This ensures that our opponents won’t be able to ‘get round the back’, as John Barnes so memorably rapped about – which is a move responsible for 83% of all goals (probably).

Screen Shot 2014-12-10 at 10.10.19

The Bodyguard
I’m not suggesting for one minute that we sign Kevin Costner (there’s enough experience in the squad already), or the much-missed Whitney Houston. No, I’m referring of course to Adebayo Akinfenwa, the strongest footballer in the world.
I’ve noticed that the smaller, trickier players like Sterling and Coutinho get kicked around by some of the more agricultural players in the Premier League. So, to combat this, under my rule we’d sign Ade for about £50,000 (if you can stretch to that lads ;P) and use him as a sort of chaperone to the smaller guys; using his frame to protect them from harsh tackles and general bullying.

Screen Shot 2014-12-10 at 10.11.29

Off the Field Stuff

Following on from my comprehensive tactical overview outlined above, I also wanted to stress that I’d take all of my off-the-field responsibilities too. Here are a few ideas:

No Football Training – If the players have got to the age of 18+ and aren’t very good, then it’s too late for them in my opinion. So instead training will focus on:

Tai Chi
Jedi Mind Control
Basic First Aid (can sack physios, save some $)
Philosophical Quotes

Let’s get loads of great philosophical quotes stencilled onto the walls of the changing room and players’ tunnel

Can you see Rickie Lambert missing a simple chance once he’s experienced ‘If’ by Rudyard Kipling?

Do you think Dejan Lovren will lose his man again with the words of Sun Tzu and the Art of War reverberating around his bonce?

Would Jose Enrique ever take being a professional footballer for granted again after sampling the heartbreaking lyrics of ‘Money’s Too Tight Too Mention’ by Simply Red?

Crowd Control

Whilst not without his foibles, Kim Jong-Un’s admirable no-nonsense approach to ruling people is an excellent example of how to win the love of a nation. I feel like football fans are too opinionated these days, so one rule I’d implement straight away is issuing all stewards in Anfield with Tasers. All supporters will also be issued with song-sheets containing lyrics approved by me. Tough love is good love.

Indo-Asian Market

It’s time we tapped into this thriving economy to cover the costs of some of the signings made in the Summer (you know the ones I mean). One idea I’ve had is to change both the home and away kits slightly to appeal to an Asian market (please see below).

Screen Shot 2014-12-10 at 10.14.06

I’ve got loads more ideas as well lads, but I bloody left my File-o-Fax on the bus didn’t I. If you want to discuss these with me then please don’t hesitate to get in touch.

Yours sincerely,
Craig Booth

@CraigBooth86
 
Re: The Red Lion Pub Team (Liverpool) Thread 2014/15

Just had this one flash across my Facebook;

Last night's Red Card means that Markovic is suspended for Red Lion's next Champions League tie in 2046.
 
Re: The Red Lion Pub Team (Liverpool) Thread 2014/15

To the Liverpool fan: for what it's worth, I think the FSG is bar none the biggest problem for your lot.

Specifically, the notion they seem to have that an analytical approach to team building such as is used American baseball can achieve meaningful efficiencies in football.

The FSG is very much about this approach with its Boston club. They were an early adopter of it and had some success with it.

Don't get me wrong - I think there are certainly inefficiencies in the football transfer market that can be exploited. Porto sweeping up all those South American players, etc, on the cheap. Analytics are crucial in just about everything. i just think no one has figured out yet the best way to break a free-flowing, interconnected team sport like football in a way that lends itself easily to this.

So what you get is some FSG American math wizard who thinks some obscure number put up by Andy Carroll over 30 matches provides some sort of meaningful bit of info. 35 mil is then splunked. And the rest is "ISTREE!!!!!!!"
 
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