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French police blamed as scousers injured in rush to leave Anfield .

Aldridge admits he missed the five away goals whilst still celebrating Liverpools second goal in the complementary bar.

Kolo Toure rejects offer to replace Klopp with John Bishop now clear favourite.
 
After being properly gubbed by Madrid tonight, Liverpool are once again proven to be ahead of the curve as 62 year old Modric and 58 year old Benzema justify why extending Judas Milner's contact until 2047 is a masterstroke..!
 
Liverpool FC has ascended into heaven the night before Ash Wednesday after being massacred by Madrid.
 
El Blaggio: Reds respect memory of Paris disaster blags to genuines ratio with 5:2 scoreline

In contrast, Madrid showed no respect for the fateful Paris final, which continues to shape so many lives on Merseyside old, young, and those still to be born, by scandalously choosing to be better than a clearly victimised Liverpool team last night in The Republic of Scousetopia.

Shocking evidence has also emerged showing the mighty reds were duped into playing Real Madrid, despite having spent days preparing to face Atletico Madrid. Professional advertising board examiner and part time left back Andy Robertson was furious at falling victim to the ol' switcheroo and at least was able to contort his face to new levels of vomit inducing anguish.

Investigations are also underway after it was alleged Virgil van Dyke was actually replaced by unregistered player Dick van Dyke at half time. Suspicions were raised after repeated Liverpool offside traps were sprung, with Llama impersonator 'Trent' reporting he was told to "Flap like a birdie, Step (up) in time, Let Benzema in, Step in time".

"It's like I was in dat France dere all over again" said local bin purveyor and renowned turnstile hurdler Compo. "Tears were steaming down my face, some local french kid wearing one of those new red Chelsea tops with the 'Candy' sponsor spat at us as we went in and all I have is this blag stub to remind me of what could have been."

Klopp admitted he "didn't expect" the Spanish Inquisition, but calls on supporters to make themselves felt in numbers in Madrid. "We must destroy their city completely if we hope to progress" the saurkraut said, adding "it is a dark day for football."
 
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