If he ever comes, we should make sure he has to book his ticket on-line then ensure he has to pay through the nose to do so. Then when he turns up, charge him to use the turnstiles. "Sorry sir - the ticket allows you entrance to the ground but you have to pay extra to actually enter it".
When he's in the ground, then they should charge him another £30 to get a seat then delay the kick off by half-an-hour (or better still cancel it altogether). Then they should charge him for the seat for the second half as well. Plus £5 booking fee.