I missed the main thread the other night and really wanted to know everything that got ordered for him, well for the others who missed it too I've just found a list. One of the funniest reads I've ever had, actually crying with laughter. Add anything else that isn't on the list too so we know how much shit he really has been sent. I really love you Bluemooners sometimes! Here's the list:
A 4ft statue of Winston Churchill, allowing 14 days to decide if you like it in your house.
Enquiring as to the availability of combine harvesters in the area
A 1957 cadillac in pink with an Elvis driver
1.5 Tonnes of manure
Morning tea session with Jehovas witnesses, in Latvian at 4am
''An appointment with demolition experts for the destruction of his house
It has also been brought to my attention that he has been ordered a skip, as well as appointments with an optician who comes to the house, and an architect for his new indoor pool he is planning.''
Taxis
Sales calls
Food orders for hundreds of pounds
Sex toys
A visit from the gas company, for a reported leak
His landline routed to a sex call network
Prostitutes
Pretty much anything on TV with a 30 day money back guarantee
Funeral directors for his tragic passing
Enterprise and rental vehicles
The re-tarmac'ing of his drive starting at 6am
''Some kind person has ordered him a few curries and pizzas using just-eat.co.uk with takeaways delivering to SK4 area. I hope he's hungry.''
"His drives gonna be busy then. No idea where this 24 seater coach is gonna park."
Ocean Finance
Cash Loan - And an Agent going round to his house to discuss the terms.
''I've ordered a daffy duck bouncy castle and a puppet show outside on his lawn.''
Ringing up his house to scream abuse
''£320 of rare coins he has 30 days to return if he doesn't want to keep.''
''Gold4u have been contacted, err, a few times. I hope he has unwanted gold.''
20 pizzas for tomorrow night
''There may or may not be an escort on there way round. Bet Mr Pimp wont be happy when he finds out it was a hoax.''
''Heard he will be having his garden tarmacked next week. They are starting early as they want to get it finished as they have another job to do.''
''6t Tipping Skip ordered for an AM delivery. Payment on arrival. Just done it online. and A nice 12t Forklift truck loading ramp as well.''
''Signed up to be a rent boy.''
''Limos for tomorrow night.''
''Funeral services.''
''home visit from the optician this week''
''dentist home visit''
''National Grid must respond to gas leaks within one hour''
''Alderley Pool & Spa are paying a visit this weekend to talk about that indoor swimming pool the family have been saving for''
''brochures brochures brochures brochures brochures brochures''
''I'm sure a chlamydia testing kit wouldn't go amiss... better safe than sorry and all that.''
''DSS investigators''
''breakdown recover service on its way''
''APL Locksmiths are one of the very few remaining locksmiths to offer a genuine 24 hour locksmith and emergency call out service''
''Changed his name online to Craig Bellamy''
''10 cheeseburgers on their way''
''Cars for Stars (Stockport) - Limousine Hire & Chauffeur Cars. Cars sorted, cakes ordered...suits and dress maker cant come till monday..''
''the hearing aid man will be there on mon at 6pm clutching his samples''
''Its the postman i feel sorry for''
''Interpol anonymously informed about alleged drug dealing.''
ann summers party orderd
''testdrive in a landrover 4x4 i'm sure they will send a nice salesman along to pester the **** out of him''
''everest double glazing are calling round first thing over that conservatory he's allways wanted''
''£150 takeaway on it's way.''
''24-seater coaches, 200 taxis, JCB's etc... will have trouble parking seen as his drive is getting tarmac'd at 6am''
''He is also available for dirty phone chat now, number directed to his landline lol.Snowballing and BDSM ''
''Estate agents are meeting them on Monday at 12 o'clock.'
"Nappys"
"Tampons"
