Opening mouth before brain engages

[Magicpole]

I may have been guilty of this once or twice .

 

[Rainman68]

I once walked a quit street at night in Kortrijk. From under the barriers of a jewelry shop a lot of smoke was pouring into the street, a fire alarm was going off and splinkers were set off. I was alone, i thought "well i can just aswell look at it for a while", and called the fire department. So i stood there after calling, for a minute or two i guess, alone in a quite night.

Then from a sidestreet a car came roaring trough a bend. These were fairly narrow streets with tight corners, dude took it at speed like a rally pro. A fairly sportive non discriptive car. It came at me at high speed and at the last moment the driver pulled his handbrake and came to a sudden and admittingly fairly spectacular halt. Thing had barely stopped out came some 2 guys in some rather fancy outfit straith at me asking in a very demading tone "who are you, what are you doing here?"

I blurted out the reaction "who the fuck are you, Miami Vice?"

The first one, aparently a bit annoyed pulled out his badge and said in a dry tone: "federal police" As expectingly it were inspectors of a bit higher rank or so doing the more fancy shit i guess. So i declared something of the lines off "well i was walking out in this street. smoke came out from under that shops doors and the alarms are going off. So i called the fire department. And then i just watched this shit for a while. Did my civil responsabillety and all that... I took a posture and tone of "i dont really care eitherhow" , drew out the lines while i said them so it was slow and excruciating enough for them to take their time listening to it all withought being too conspicious with it. They kinda went away then apparently not all that keen on more interraction and stood there talking to people on their phone while could easily overhear it all signaling that they'd rather see me going away.

"Hahahaha hahahaha hahahaha hahahaha hahahaha................. News!!!"

 

[Paladin]

I once went for an interview for a different job at work. I knocked on the door of the interview room, went in, and there were three women sitting behind the interview table. "Is this the audition for Macbeth?" said I. Needless to say, I didn't get the job.

 

[Deleted member 77198]

Was walking down the high street the other day when this bloke in his thirties I guess came flying out of an estate agency and walked straight into me. Without thinking I said 'blimey your orange' . He gave me a filthy look as I burst out laughing......

Why, what was funny about his orange?

 

[stonerblue]

Yesterday morning at 9am stood in the town centre having my pre-work brew and fag. Little old dear walks up to me and asks,
''Would you like a brexit party newsletter?''
''Why the fuck would i wanna read about that lying, racist, hypocrite twat luv.''

 

[sir baconface]

In my days as a CPN had a client who was bi-polar but was on the low side probably 95% of the time, very quiet and withdrawn. On one of his rare highs I was out with him (on the way to the chemists to get the increased prescription that would spoil his fun) there was a large lady coming towards us...

"by eck, you take some getting round" was what he said to her.

She could be the answer to our Centre Back problem.

 

[sir baconface]

I once asked a lady when her baby was due. She responded "never I'm not pregnant"

My boss asked a recently pregnant colleague when she was due. “I had the baby a couple of weeks ago”, she replied.

Ooops.

 

[sir baconface]

Why, what was funny about his orange?

That’s a very Seville question.

 

[journolud]

That’s a very Seville question.

mob oh is the thread going to go off at a tangerinent now? Had to happen satsuma or later.