People keep opening my garden gate and pissing on my flower beds

[TinFoilHat]

I think you should follow this US ladies lead.


A little old lady was walking down the street, dragging two large trash bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there is money falling out of your bag."
"Oh really?" said the lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for letting me know."

"Well not so fast," says the cop. "Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it did you?"

"Oh of course not," says the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. It kills the flowers, you know. But then I thought, why not make the best of it.

So now I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, "OK, buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!"

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "Well good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Not everybody pays."

 

[jimharri]

mekkle

You showed some bockle, pulling me up like that. Do it again, and you'll end up in 'ospickle.

 

[ancoats]

Take a look at the Rambler's right-to-roam bill, Locking your gate could lead you up the garden path

Know City fans we are very superstitious. I feel the City fans have had a lucky streak and don't want to break the habit of pissing in your flower beds

 

[ray21]

Who carries an angle grinder to a football match???

Ask them for their autograph

 

[Blue Mist]

Fuck me the OP's out and about throwing a wobbler. The dick didn't seem to appreciate it would feed his dahlias.

Last time I have a shit in his garden.

 

[BlueMoonAcrossThePond]

Is this a parody thread, LOL?

 

[Mad Eyed Screamer]

I have lived in my house for 30 years and until recently had no mither at all.

However there is a local football ground and since they started doing well a couple of years ago we're getting more and more people on Saturday afternoons.

Move to Moston.
You wont get that problem next to the football ground there......

 

[VOOMER]

I have lived in my house for 30 years and until recently had no mither at all.

However there is a local football ground and since they started doing well a couple of years ago we're getting more and more people on Saturday afternoons.

A lot of them are drunk idiots and keep using my garden as a cut-through to the local pub, often leaving my gate wide open and pissing on my flower beds.

I've locked it but they keep opening it and I overheard one of them saying they're going to bring an angle grinder and even their own padlock to lock it open!

It's getting so bad that I've had to take the extreme measure of buying an air rifle and covering the lock in dog shit - our dog is very old and has worms so whoever tries to open the gate at the next match is in for a nasty surprise.

Apparently the ground are installing some massive new floodlights as well and nobody came to ask my permission about that either, it's a nightmare.

What else can I do?

Take down the "please feel free to urinate on garden" sign.

 

[MikeF]

Is it Droylsden? My uncle used to live on that street and he’d always draw the curtains when they were playing at home as they play in red.

Fun fact of the day!!

 

[ancoats]

just wait until Oasis reforms they will be fucking in your bushes