Manchester_City_Blue
Well-Known Member
Can you list three English football clubs with a rude word in their name?
Arsenal, Scunthorpe and Manchester f*cking United
Alex Ferguson calls Wayne Rooney into his office. ‘Wayne,’ he says, ’I’m worried about your performance the last few games. You’ve been hopeless, completely off form.’
‘Sorry, boss’, says Wayne. ’I’ve not been myself lately. I’ve got a few problems at home.’
‘Oh dear,’ says Ferguson, pretending to care. ’What’s up? Coleen okay?’
‘Oh they’re fine’, says Wayne. ’It’s just that something’s really bugging me and I’m losing sleep and everything. I can’t concentrate on my football and it’s really messing me up.’
’Whatever’s the matter, Wayne?’ says Fergie.
‘Well, boss’, says Wayne, ’it’s pretty serious. You see I’m really stuck on this jigsaw and…’
A jigsaw?!!!’ shouts Alex. ’You’re fu**ing up every time you play because of a bloody jigsaw?!!!’
Yeah, boss, but you don’t understand, it’s really doing my head in!’ says Wayne in that horrible whining voice. ’It’s really hard and it’s this picture of a tiger and it looks really good on the box and I’m sure I’ve got all the bits and everything but I just can’t get it right and it’s doing my head in and I even had my hair cut to try and cool my brain down and…’
‘Wayne, Wayne, Wayne,’ says Ferguson. ’You’ve got to get a grip. It’s affecting our games and nothing is as important Manchester United’s success, other than Cristiano Ronaldo's wages, obviously.
‘Yeah, boss,’ says Wayne, ‘but it’s this picture of a tiger and it looks really good on the box and I really want to finish it but it’s really hard and it’s doing my head in and it’s this picture..and it’s a tiger and it’s hard…and I can’t make the bits fit and, er, it’s really hard, er, boss and, er, it’s a tiger, er,… on the box…er…boss.
‘Ferguson waits until even Rooney realises he’s repeating himself and has got nothing else to say which took a bit longer than usual.
‘Wayne,’ he says, with that conceited, irritating, smug smile he uses for self-congratulatory post-match interviews. ‘Bring the tiger jigsaw in and let’s have a look at it. For Christ’s sake, we’ve got to get you back to playing football.’
‘Oh thanks, boss,’ says Wayne, ’that’d be really helpful ‘cos it’s really hard and it’s a picture of a tiger and it’s doing my head in, that tiger is.’
So Wayne brings the jigsaw into Ferguson’s office. ‘Here it is, boss.’ he says, showing Ferguson the picture on the box.
‘Look, boss, it’s this tiger, right, and it’s a really good picture and everything but I just can’t do it and it’s really hard and it’s doing my head in and it’s this picture here of a tiger,’ and Rooney empties all the pieces from the box all over Ferguson’s desk.
Ferguson looks at what’s on his desk and the feint dusty cloud now hanging over it. He looks up at Wayne Rooney.
’Wayne, put the fu**ing Frosties back in the box.
What is the difference between Sir Alex Ferguson and a jet engine?
The jet engine will eventually stop whining
Nani wakes up one morning and hears the dustbin men doing their rounds. He quickly runs downstairs and onto the drive shuting Am I too late for the rubbish?, No! comes the reply, Jump in
Ryan Giggs walks into training with a pile of dog crap in his hand and says to Sir Alex Ferguson Hey gaffer look what I nearly trod in
Two Manchester United fans are walking down the street at five o'clock on a Saturday evening
First Manchester United fan: I couldn't watch the game today, I was at a funeral, what was the score
Second Manchester United fan: We drew 0-0
First Manchester United fan: Who missed our penalty
Arsenal, Scunthorpe and Manchester f*cking United
Alex Ferguson calls Wayne Rooney into his office. ‘Wayne,’ he says, ’I’m worried about your performance the last few games. You’ve been hopeless, completely off form.’
‘Sorry, boss’, says Wayne. ’I’ve not been myself lately. I’ve got a few problems at home.’
‘Oh dear,’ says Ferguson, pretending to care. ’What’s up? Coleen okay?’
‘Oh they’re fine’, says Wayne. ’It’s just that something’s really bugging me and I’m losing sleep and everything. I can’t concentrate on my football and it’s really messing me up.’
’Whatever’s the matter, Wayne?’ says Fergie.
‘Well, boss’, says Wayne, ’it’s pretty serious. You see I’m really stuck on this jigsaw and…’
A jigsaw?!!!’ shouts Alex. ’You’re fu**ing up every time you play because of a bloody jigsaw?!!!’
Yeah, boss, but you don’t understand, it’s really doing my head in!’ says Wayne in that horrible whining voice. ’It’s really hard and it’s this picture of a tiger and it looks really good on the box and I’m sure I’ve got all the bits and everything but I just can’t get it right and it’s doing my head in and I even had my hair cut to try and cool my brain down and…’
‘Wayne, Wayne, Wayne,’ says Ferguson. ’You’ve got to get a grip. It’s affecting our games and nothing is as important Manchester United’s success, other than Cristiano Ronaldo's wages, obviously.
‘Yeah, boss,’ says Wayne, ‘but it’s this picture of a tiger and it looks really good on the box and I really want to finish it but it’s really hard and it’s doing my head in and it’s this picture..and it’s a tiger and it’s hard…and I can’t make the bits fit and, er, it’s really hard, er, boss and, er, it’s a tiger, er,… on the box…er…boss.
‘Ferguson waits until even Rooney realises he’s repeating himself and has got nothing else to say which took a bit longer than usual.
‘Wayne,’ he says, with that conceited, irritating, smug smile he uses for self-congratulatory post-match interviews. ‘Bring the tiger jigsaw in and let’s have a look at it. For Christ’s sake, we’ve got to get you back to playing football.’
‘Oh thanks, boss,’ says Wayne, ’that’d be really helpful ‘cos it’s really hard and it’s a picture of a tiger and it’s doing my head in, that tiger is.’
So Wayne brings the jigsaw into Ferguson’s office. ‘Here it is, boss.’ he says, showing Ferguson the picture on the box.
‘Look, boss, it’s this tiger, right, and it’s a really good picture and everything but I just can’t do it and it’s really hard and it’s doing my head in and it’s this picture here of a tiger,’ and Rooney empties all the pieces from the box all over Ferguson’s desk.
Ferguson looks at what’s on his desk and the feint dusty cloud now hanging over it. He looks up at Wayne Rooney.
’Wayne, put the fu**ing Frosties back in the box.
What is the difference between Sir Alex Ferguson and a jet engine?
The jet engine will eventually stop whining
Nani wakes up one morning and hears the dustbin men doing their rounds. He quickly runs downstairs and onto the drive shuting Am I too late for the rubbish?, No! comes the reply, Jump in
Ryan Giggs walks into training with a pile of dog crap in his hand and says to Sir Alex Ferguson Hey gaffer look what I nearly trod in
Two Manchester United fans are walking down the street at five o'clock on a Saturday evening
First Manchester United fan: I couldn't watch the game today, I was at a funeral, what was the score
Second Manchester United fan: We drew 0-0
First Manchester United fan: Who missed our penalty