The Daily Kicker writes:
Liddl ol’ Ciddy 4 Real Royalty 0
A little known club from the North of England with no ’Istree caused chaos and death last night (more of which later) as they fluked the complete destruction of the storied Teabag Trotters from Madrid. Four lucky goals dribbled into the net while the world Googled ‘Manchester City‘ to find out just who the team in blue actually were.
There was no denying it, the Blue Hurricane was brilliantly unstoppable. Pep Guardiola, a chequebook coach much inferior to the famous Klopper said:
“ These players must improve. Our right back can’t play for toffee. Our star striker missed a hatful of chances again.”
Nasty Harris, a member of the WhatsApp group, a City fan organisation, commented:
”Everybody knows we cheat but the authorities just can’t catch us. Pep takes a bung, you know.”
Alyson Rudd, a well known ‘journalist’ said: “The blue team were total crap. They will never win five Euro cups.”
Ambulance crews were despatched to the home of the group’s leader Milly Delooney who was later reported to have died from self inflicted lies.
The foundations of the Etihad stadium are being checked after the biggest Poznan ever was staged by their meagre flock of fans. If they had filled the ground, it might have collapsed.
There are unconfirmed reports that UEFA are disbanding in desperation, they have tried everything to halt the blue machine to no avail; Tariq Pantsdown of the New York Times has the inside info but not from M. Leterme and certainly not Rick Parry, oh no.
So the boys in blue move on to the final, where Internationale (who?) will obliterate them and their pots of gold.