I haven't read every single post in this thread but I'm surprised I haven't seen any mentions of Robbie Fowler. Never a fast sprinter but he had lost all vestiges of pace whatsoever when he joined us.
Fowler/Macken is surely the slowest strike pairing ever in the premier league. Only City could spend a combined £11m on such utter, utter dross (in the days when that was a lot of money)