Stupid things your bird has said

[Zin 'messiah' Zimmer]

Apparently I crossed a line last week because I couldn't tell the difference between Jewish & Amish people. I'd never seen the full Jewish get-up to be fair.

Oooh look Amish people - FAIL

tell me which is which and i'll put the tea on

This feels like a trick you just like telling me off...anyways the second pic is corrupted but the first one must be Crocodile Amish as the Jewish have curly side-burns as I remember now.

Little Italy deliver...

You do know amish are unorthodox's jews? christ almighty, so jog on to little italy as the 2nd piccy isnt corrupted enough - that is the star of bartholomew, davids evil you ger brother -FACT

 

[Ja Salford Blue]

This is a one that my mam said to my dad!

We were going to a family wedding in Yorkshire in 2 seperate cars, me & my dad in my car, and my sisiters, nephew and mam in my sisters car.

It was before I had a sat nav so I printed off 2 AA route finders of the net (one for each car), anyway were about to set off and for the life of me I couldnt find them anywhere. so my dad starts moaning and going on at me for loosing them when my mum cherps up with this belter to my dad:

"you two get going, we will hang on for a bit and look for it and give it to you when were get there"

Priceless!

 

[Sunsh111ne]

tell me which is which and i'll put the tea on

This feels like a trick you just like telling me off...anyways the second pic is corrupted but the first one must be Crocodile Amish as the Jewish have curly side-burns as I remember now.

Little Italy deliver...

You do know amish are unorthodox's jews? christ almighty, so jog on to little italy as the 2nd piccy isnt corrupted enough - that is the star of bartholomew, davids evil you ger brother -FACT

Do one blasphemer...I kno u just pull this stuff of wikipedia!

 

[SS117]

Girlfriend: What's Foxes Talk?

Me: Leicester City forum

Girlfriend: Why you on that? To take the mic out of them...

Me: Haha no I don't mind them they have City's old manager

Girlfriend: Who's the manager?

Me: Sven Goran Eriksson

Girlfriend: Isn't he the manager of England?

Me: Hahahahahaha (Straight On Bluemoon)

 

[Henry-67]

an ex of mine was giving me directions as we approached a T-junction;

Her: turn left
Me: signalling left
Her: No, No LEFT!!
Me: continuing to signal left
Her: NO NO, LEFT, LEFT!
Me: I AM TURNING LEFT!
Her: NOOOOO THE OTHER LEFT!!!!!!
Me: that'll be 'RIGHT' then?
Her: yes

 

[wayne71]

Where is Reading festival held, is it in Leeds?

 

[fulabeer]

I asked the wife to put the lottery on.
Next day I asked if we had won anything.

"Err, no she replied.
Actually, I forgot to buy the tickets.
But don't worry, I've saved us a fiver. I've checked the results and there were no jackpot winners anyway......"

 

[hartsgloves]

Not a spoken one but...

We were on the patio on a sunny afternoon and midges were pestering us. She was swiping at them with her hand whilst we were talking but the midges went away. She was so engrossed in what we were talking about she carried on swiping and slapped herself in the face!

 

[Chinley Blues Jr]

my ex mrs :( once asked it racing stripes really make cars go faster

 

[talkativesprout]

Not a spoken one but...

We were on the patio on a sunny afternoon and midges were pestering us. She was swiping at them with her hand whilst we were talking but the midges went away. She was so engrossed in what we were talking about she carried on swiping and slapped herself in the face!

Wife always refers to the as midgets......stopped laughing at it years ago