Swingers

Been of the board for a while,but this thread is like the godfather.....i keep trying to get out,but you's keep draging me back in again ! it's just so goddamed romantic,will his back door be pushed in ? will he be gentle with him and use some sort of lube ? will he still respect him in the morning ? or will his jamroll be left like a chewed up tesco's bag.I await with baited breath.for the next romanic episode.
 
When I checked my inbox last night, there waiting for me was a 'Private Message" from my Brookie. With my heart racing I opened it. It didn't read as I expected it to.

This was his message in full:
"Be very careful. I am growing tired of your false accusations and down right lies. I will notify my legal team if this continues. The moderators know how I feel and I am more than prepared to take this a step further. The decision is yours my friend."

This is starting to follow in the footprints of Allie McBeal series 2.

I will respond later to this spurning of my affections later today. I don't give up easy Brookie, in fact this kind of talk gives me wood. X
 
Cheeses of Nazareth said:
When I checked my inbox last night, there waiting for me was a 'Private Message" from my Brookie. With my heart racing I opened it. It didn't read as I expected it to.

This was his message in full:
"Be very careful. I am growing tired of your false accusations and down right lies. I will notify my legal team if this continues. The moderators know how I feel and I am more than prepared to take this a step further. The decision is yours my friend."

This is starting to follow in the footprints of Allie McBeal series 2.

I will respond later to this spurning of my affections later today. I don't give up easy Brookie, in fact this kind of talk gives me wood. X

Ah,he's just playing hard to get,bless.
 
Cheeses of Nazareth said:
When I checked my inbox last night, there waiting for me was a 'Private Message" from my Brookie. With my heart racing I opened it. It didn't read as I expected it to.

This was his message in full:
"Be very careful. I am growing tired of your false accusations and down right lies. I will notify my legal team if this continues. The moderators know how I feel and I am more than prepared to take this a step further. The decision is yours my friend."

This is starting to follow in the footprints of Allie McBeal series 2.

I will respond later to this spurning of my affections later today. I don't give up easy Brookie, in fact this kind of talk gives me wood. X

Ive been an observre of this thread but it is quite clear that 'The lady doth protest too much'
 
Barcon said:
buzzer1 said:
I know mate, after the Rats had just signed him i seen a lad in the Chippy, had'nt seen him for a while and he was buzzin' about signin' him, he asked me what he was like and i said, he will get you the odd goal in 10, mybe an important one but 16mil, when money is scarce is a little bit of a risk, the Rats reply was, your just Jealous.
End of.
Who was the other left footed midfielder that we had on loan that season?
Been trying to rember his name lately.

Kiki Musampa, only on page 6 so may have already been posted!
 
Cmon bb just remember the words of a famous hero of ours, Admiral Horatio Nelson to Captain Thomas Hardy,you could be the new NELSON,think about it!
I know "kiss me cheeses" doesnt have the same ring,but who does.
 
BingoBango said:
Biggsy1 said:
Kiki Musampa, only on page 6 so may have already been posted!

Stick with the thread Biggsy, it gets even funnier!

Morning Bingo ha just finished the thread, cheered me right up on this Thursday morning!

Theres a rumour that the landlord/landlady (Thats not the same person btw) of our local bar in Heaton Moor like to dabble a bit with John Snow's swingometer! Ugly as sin but do offer good lock ins every now and again and just keep giving you free shots Ive always wondered why Jagermister gives me a sore arse!!!

Anyway some etiquette for you Ive found:

Etiquette for parties and clubs.
We all want to have fun with the people we meet, the best way to achieve this is by adhering to good old fashioned good manners, and treating everyone you contact or meet with the respect you want them to show you. I am not going to write a full etiquette book here, but offer some simple guidelines that over my 30 years of swinging I have found work as well now as they did when I entered the scene in the 1970´s.

Courtesy Works
Everyone in the swinging scene has their own unique set of reasons for being there, and their own personal baggage in the shape of insecurities. Be polite when meeting them, be friendly and open when talking to them, and if you get to play with someone, thank them afterwards.

Being polite does not mean you have to play with everyone, but if you want to turn someone down, do so gently - remember there will be times you will be turned down, so think how you would like to be treated.

Make no enemies
Whether or not you are personally interested in swinging with someone, be polite. You never know, you may share many other interests or you may meet that person again, and they may introduce you to someone with whom you ARE compatible and do wish to share time.

Be responsive
Party hosts spend a lot of time making arrangements for parties. They have to choose who to invite, send the invitations, prepare the venue, the entertainment and the food and drinks.

If a host chooses to invite you, common decency would suggest that you should respond, even a negative response is better than no response. Leaving it to the day of the party to say yes or no makes it almost impossible for the host to decide on catering requirements.

Be generous (when good manners dictate it)
Attending a club, or a paid party does not require any gifts or money from you beyond the door fee. But if you are attending a private party, then good manners suggest that you should take something with you.

Dont take along a cheap bottle of plonk, then proceed to drink the hosts out of fine spirits. Take along a bottle of the drink that you and your partner will be drinking. If you want to score an extra few points with the hosts, take along a little keep-sake for the hostess.

Be Prepared
Don't expect the hosts to provide everything, remember that there could be 50 other people at the party, and few house party hosts will have enough toiletries or towels to cope with that many people.

So, take whatever you personally are going to need with you. Carry a small overnight bag for lingerie or robe, hairbrush, comb, toothbrush, cologne, intimate cleansing articles, condoms, etc.. If you plan to stay over, sleeping bags or blankets and pillows are necessities.

Personal hygiene
Nothing turns a person off faster and more effectively than an unclean body or stale breath. Even if you shower and perfume yourself before you leave home, it is always a good idea to freshen up again when you arrive at your destination. Travelling more than a few miles will undo a lot of your personal grooming.

Have respect for the feelings of others.
Be aware, just like you, not everyone is comfortable in all situations, Keep your eyes open for signs that your partner, as well as others, is relaxed and enjoying themselves. If someone is not comfortable, try helping them over the rough spots. Remember, you were a beginner once yourself. If it is obvious that things are not working out, remain polite and courteous; but alert the host. Keep in mind that not all people feel the same about things.

Avoid being pushy
If you are interested in swinging with someone, let them know in an friendly way; if they are interested, they will respond positively. If they are not and say "No, thank you," do not ask WHY. No amount of sweet talk or coercion on your part will change their mind and will probably work against you. Everyone has the right to say "NO" at all times, to anyone, without explanation. Nver forget that.

Keep it Fun
Do not allow yourself to become sexually involved with anybody that you are not interested in. There is no reason to involve yourself in a scene that you are not comfortable with. You are at the party, and in the swinging lifestyle to enjoy yourself, so only do what you want, when you want and with whom you want.

How to say "NO"
One of the basic tenets in swinging is the right of anyone to say "No" at any time.

In the swinging world everyone accepts the premise that everyone has the right to say "No" to anyone at anytime.

Saying "NO" should be done with a simple "No thank you". Never try to give an explanation, because that is what usually causes the problems and the pain.

Drugs and alcohol
Most people in the swinging lifestyle do not use drugs, though many of us drink socially. At times, a few drinks are nice to help you "relax". Over indulging may hamper your physical abilities, as well as offend or turn other people off to you. If you have to over indulge in order to participate in swinging, you are involved in the wrong lifestyle.

No drugs, with the exception of the new sex pills such as viagra and cialis, have any positive effect on your sexual performance. A drugged up person will be quickly ejected by any self respecting party host.

Safe Sex
It is up to us all to protect ourselves as well as our partners.

Although research carried out in America suggests that the levels of all STD´s within the swinging scene (where condom use is very low) are much lower than in the general population, it is wise to rubber up before going into action.

With the present concern over sexually transmitted diseases such as Chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhoea, aids, yeast infection, etc.., the use of condoms should not offend anybody. Anyone not willing to take this precaution is acting selfishly and irresponsibly. You are not being accused of being unclean, but simply someone wishes to provide you both with protection.

After the party
Good old fashioned manners suggest that after you have attended a party you should either write or call and thank the hosts.

This will bring you benefits. You will be remembered as someone who shows appreciation, and are more likely to be added straight to the guest list for the next party. As always, it comes down to treating others how you would like to be treated.

Being the host
When you have people coming to your home, try to anticipate their needs: put clean sheets on the beds; keep plenty of clean washcloths and towels available. Show your guests through the house so that they will know where the bathrooms, kitchen, and other rooms are located.

Try to identify the nervous new comers, and introduce them to a stable couple who are going to be gentle and friendly with them.

Don't pressurise your guests into playing with you. As your guests they may feel obliged to consent, even if they do not want to. make people aware that you are interested in playing, but that to avoid any embarrassment or discomfort you are playing by invitation only.

Give the guests plenty of time to respond to your invitation, and to plan their attendance. Many couples will have children and pets they have to make arrangements for.

Make sure the details of the event at clear and easy to understand. either provide good driving instructions from a known landmark, or make a map showing the exact location.

Let people know if they need to bring anything with them.

Share your time with as many guests as you can. If someone is standing alone in the corner go and have a quiet chat.

Thank you for holding a party. I have always appreciated the people who have gone out of their way to provide a location and a new selection of people to make friends with.

Finally the most important thing - Enjoy Yourselves.
 
I've decided to respond to BB2.0's threat of legal action through the media of expressive dance and poetry.

An Ode to Brooklandsblue2.0

He came to me in a flash of light,
the flame haired Brookie on the Bluemoon site,
in Off-topic we spoke of a man-love tryst,
now his legal team add a bitter twist.

He offers his arse for 2 million notes,
and despises the lefties, the muslims, the scrotes.
His eyes are as blue as Dave Cameron's tie,
but his heart is a dark as a burnt meat pie .

I dreamed of his pubes, now it seems at a loss,
will I ever see his tangerine candy floss?
Where all this will end, only Cupid may know,
he keeps knocking me back, but this makes my wood grow.

I fear little Brookie is dying to smack me,
the ginge in the middle at parties - bukakke,
it may all end in tears, with legals pending,
from the tory boy who's not for bending.
 
Cheeses of Nazareth said:
I've decided to respond to BB2.0's threat of legal action through the media of expressive dance and poetry.

An Ode to Brooklandsblue2.0

He came to me in a flash of light,
the flame haired Brookie on the Bluemoon site,
in Off-topic we spoke of a man-love tryst,
now his legal team add a bitter twist.

He offers his arse for 2 million notes,
and despises the lefties, the muslims, the scrotes.
His eyes are as blue as Dave Cameron's tie,
but his heart is a dark as a burnt meat pie .

I dreamed of his pubes, now it seems at a loss,
will I ever see his tangerine candy floss?
Where all this will end, only Cupid may know,
he keeps knocking me back, but this makes my wood grow.

I fear little Brookie is dying to smack me,
the ginge in the middle at parties - bukakke,
it may all end in tears, with legals pending,
from the tory boy who's not for bending.

And thats the finest and most heart wrenching post ive ever seen on here Cheeses, keep yer pecker up son, its only a matter of time.
 

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