I’m not sure about over there, but over here, when I was a kid, there were lots of advertisements in comic books for things like Sea Monkeys, which seemed to promise that tiny people would build castles in your aquarium if you dumped them in there. Of course they were shams. And this record is the equivalent of the brine shrimp you got in the mail for your $2.99 instead of a host of magical water-breathing pixies.
It’s not Megadeth’s fault. This isn’t a sham. This might be good for metal. They’re just doing what metal bands do — substituting speed for hooks, speed for melody and speed for crunch. Sometimes they substitute “dark” lyrics or growling (also known as overacting) for these things too, especially when they slow down. And I realiz(s)ed listening why I’ve never cottoned to metal: because every once in a while, when they get a smoking groove going — which is periodically but infrequently — they run it for an average of about 18 seconds before shifting to a much more pedestrian set of chord changes. Or worse, a tempo change. Or even worse, a solo. Then one has to wait a few minutes, or until the next song, until they return to another gut-buster. IF they do. Other bands get a chord change or a melody they know rings the bell, and stick with it for — gasp — a WHOLE SONG!
Speaking of the solos, or the rhythm section for that matter, I know I am supposed to be wowed by the incredible dexterity of the players, and let’s face it —it’s gotta take some talent to run at the pace these guys do. But too often what I am hearing sounds like scales, like the ones my kids used to practice on the piano. They don’t evoke much but head shaking (or banging, I guess), and they don’t stir my emotions. They don’t make me want to pick up my air guitar. They can’t hold a candle to the great ones we all know.
I want to quibble with an earlier comment about there being no bad songs here. I don’t know enough about this genre to determine good from bad. I do know enough about songs to distinguish what one is, however. And there are precious few. “Lucretia” perhaps. Or “Eye of the Tornado.” Unfortunately the lyrics can be so ridiculous they border on if not veer over the line into parody. For example, tornadoes don’t have eyes, you idiots — that’s hurricanes. At least when Ozzy did this shit you knew he was joking. Here and there I guess I sense a trace of humour, and they do rhyme “Polaris” with “scare us”, but there isn’t enough to spend any more minutes, let alone hours, searching.
I like plenty of quick music; I love a lot of punk. I love guitars. I love plenty of what the broad universe calls “hard rock”. In theory, I should love this record, and even metal as a genre. But, to recall yet another childhood memory, this is like being promised fireworks on the 4th of July, and living in San Francisco, where the fog rolls in at night all summer, and the ceiling is a few hundred feet. You see a lot of half and quarter fireworks — just the bottom bit of them. There’s a little enjoyment, but mostly disappointment. And you’re sad. But you also laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. 3/10.
PS. You spelled “death” wrong too, gents.