The house that Roberto built.

The main flaw in that article is that it claims Mancini has built the very thing which he hasn't - a team.

We are not a team. We are a set of very good individual players, some of which have single handedly won us games on their own. We keep posession better this season, and have at times, looked more solid, but we don't have any team cohesion, and rely far too much on Silva conducting an orchestra which is lacking in natural shape.
 
Chippy_boy said:
Shame about the typo in the very first sentence. Word 4.

Is it about TIME that ...

Deary me.

Anyway, I persevered and read it, and sorry but I didn't think it was very good to be honest.

Deary me, read it properly
 
simmers said:
Chippy_boy said:
Shame about the typo in the very first sentence. Word 4.

Is it about TIME that ...

Deary me.

Anyway, I persevered and read it, and sorry but I didn't think it was very good to be honest.

Deary me, read it properly
I've read it properly several times, and the word 'time' is definitely missing.
 
FantasyIreland said:
Article by budding journalist Martyn Crompton sent to Vital Manchester City
....................................................................

Is it about that those outside of Manchester City start to give manager Roberto Mancini the credit he deserves for transforming the club? Yes you can argue that when he took over from Mark Hughes in December 2009 he inherited an already expensively built squad with players such as Carlos Tevez, Emmanuel Adebayor and Kolo Toure - all player signed by the previous manager.

In fact in Roberto's first game, it was one of them, Carlos Tevez who scored the second in what turned out to be a comfortable 2-0 victory at home to Stoke. With the first being scored by a certain Sven Goran Eriksson signing, Martin Petrov.

His second game was where Mancini showed what his teams are about, a 3-0 away victory against any opposition is a very good result and to do it with only your second game in charge of a team you have barely had time to get to know is very impressive.

The Wolves game in question was televised live on Sky Sports and at one point, the commentator said 'he has gone into a job where the tools are not exactly bad that he has inherited'. A true statement and a sign of this is that of the eleven starting players that day, six were involved in the recent victory at home to Wigan.

Mancini definitely inherited a very good set of players, but that's what they were, a set, not a team. The following January he added to the squad with two players at the opposite ends of their careers, so to speak. Adam Johnson, one of the future stars of England and possibly the world, and Patrick Vieira, a wiley old character, well known throughout the game. Two signings who came very close to helping Manchester City secure a Champions League place.

Fast forward six months and Mancini's first full season in charge approaches and the world's eyes are on Manchester City FC once again. How will the richest club in the world flex their financial muscle this time?

In came World Cup stars in the shape of Yaya Toure, Jerome Boateng and David Silva, the latter carrying a heavy piece of winners gold in his pocket. In game future stars, Mario Balotelli the temperamental Italian and Aleksandar Kolarov who himself has been compared to Roberto Carlos with the bullet shot his left foot produces. Not a bad comparison to be made.

How would all these players gel was the question - would they gel? Surely you can't buy so many new players and become a title challenging team straight away?

Roberto has proven them wrong in so many ways. A certain Jose Mourinho did things the same way; a strict tactical approach won Chelsea the title two years in a row. Roberto Mancini builds his team on the basis of 'don't concede' and you can win. And with attacking talent like Carlos Tevez, David Silva, Mario Balotelli, Adam Johnson, the recently added exciting young Bosnian Edin Dzeko lining up in front of the current England number one Joe Hart, a protective back four including my player of the season, Vincent Kompany and a tough tackling midfielder built from the Claude Makelele role Nigel De Jong, why shouldn't City fans chant Mancini's name every home game.

A top four finish was always the target this season and City are on course for this, with the possibility of ending the 35 year trophy hunt. This season has been the best for many a year and it is all down to one man. One man who has built a team, the man who comes from Italy to manage Man City and that one man, is Roberto Mancini.

When I started out writing feedback of any type was useful and allowed you to learn, so I'll have a go here.

Whilst it's laudible you've had a go, mate, and there are one or two nice little turns of phrase in there, to write an article of any description you need a strong message or theme. A point to the article if you like.

The only point to this article appears to be that Mancini is on track and has turned us from a collection of individuals into a team. Many blues would disagree with this fundamental point, but it doesn't really matter. If you believe it, it's a valid article. But not a very interesting one, if I'm honest. Just to say that Kolorov is a good player is meaningless without evidence.

So you need to have a think about the point and message of your next article.

I was going to highlight your grammatical errors but there are an awful lot in there. Your use of commas is non-existant. You've asked the same question twice on the trot. You've missed out key words. You've missed out punctuation like question marks.

Also, it's far too short to be a meaningful article.

I know this appears to be highly critical, but you've had a go and that's what really matters. Try again. Think through something you want to say and can back up with evidence. Open the article with a summry of what you are about to say, not a question. There's definitely something in there to build on, mate.
 

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