The old follow through

karen7 said:
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You have shattered my illusion of you jimbo,less Clooney and more Steptoe
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You bloody youngsters. Give it another 30 years (when you're in your fifties), and let's see if you've got full control of the tradesman's entrance.
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There used to be an old man who went in our local boozer called Idris. He would drink best bitter all morning and afternoon and go home at teatimes. He was in his 80s and while always 'smartly' dressed, his clothes were from the 70s and he had one particularly favourite pair of brown flares he wore a lot. The gents toilet had one of those large urinals and troughs up a small step for everyone to whazz into. I was stood pissing next to him one afternoon and having a polite chat when he coughed this really hacking cough he had, and quick as a flash this massive turd fell out of his bell bottoms into the trough. He obviously wasnt wearing any kegs and he sharted this turd out without knowing. It just sat there for a few seconds and then gradually floated down the trough to the end. We looked at it, pretended it had never happened, and not a word was said.
 
We went skiing and my mate from down south brought a mate with him as well. Me and my northern pal had never met him but the more the merrier. Anyway we went big on first afternoon and got stuck in and a bit of steak and potatoes and ale and wine. On the march back to our hotel, new southern lad got caught short and needed a shit so decided to leg it ahead to release the kraken.

Unfortunately his haste was in waste as his room mate had their room key in his pocket.

When we arrived at the hotel he was lay on the floor outside his locked room and had shat his 501s big time.

Needless to say he was a little sheepish at breakfast the next morning. The 501s were eventually burnt!!!

Fair play to him we have been away many times since.
 
Uncle Wally One Ball said:
There used to be an old man who went in our local boozer called Idris. He would drink best bitter all morning and afternoon and go home at teatimes. He was in his 80s and while always 'smartly' dressed, his clothes were from the 70s and he had one particularly favourite pair of brown flares he wore a lot. The gents toilet had one of those large urinals and troughs up a small step for everyone to whazz into. I was stood pissing next to him one afternoon and having a polite chat when he coughed this really hacking cough he had, and quick as a flash this massive turd fell out of his bell bottoms into the trough. He obviously wasnt wearing any kegs and he sharted this turd out without knowing. It just sat there for a few seconds and then gradually floated down the trough to the end. We looked at it, pretended it had never happened, and not a word was said.
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Odd name for a pub!
 
CTID1988 said:
Happened to me in Kraków. Went to the bog to sort myself out, no toilet roll... So off came the socks, I put them on my hand like a glove and wiped myself up. I didn't take into consideration that socks will absorb liquid so I ended up with shit all over my hands. Left the cubicle to wash my hands, taps on the sink didn't work.
Had to walk through the bar with shitty hands, out the door and around Kraków trying to find a McDonald's so I could use their toilet. Found a kfc, went to the bog and the guy wanted some money before I could go into the toilet. I tried to explain my situation but he wasn't letting me in for free, so I got him some coins with my shitty hand and placed them forcefully in his palm making sure to make as much contact with my shitty hand onto his hand. It's the little victories
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Laughing out loud!! Classic mate.
 
Happened at Norwich away the 6-1 game, we were staying at a mates down there and it happened the night before in his local. Chucked undies out of the bog window only to find out later it was the local Chinese laundry.
 
I think Ive posted this story before but I will stick it on again. I pulled some woman in a Jumpin Jaks one night and back to her place. While in the toilet in her house I saw a huge skidmark in the kegs from a wet fart earlier in the night. Looked around for somewhere to ditch them, the bin has been emptied and had a brand new bag in it so that was out. Cistern was obviously out, so only thing for it was out the window. It only opened about 4 inches until some catch caught it, so I dangled them out and aimed for next doors garden. Took a few practice swings and on a count of 3 I swung and went to launch them. They went about 4 inches in the air and fell straight down onto the conservatory roof. The woman I had pulled was sat in the conservatory.
 
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