Things your missus does that drive you to despair

[nw42]

This is not my wife but the next door neighbour who is the most mental woman ever. For this story you have to understand I have no idea where our local Brownies are based and I am not God.

The other night she knocks on the back door and asks to speak to my wife. I tell her that she cannot as my wife is out at work. So she says "Richard, you might be able to help? Do you think I have enough time to pick Emma up from Brownies, if I walk, before it starts raining?"

She wants it mate, clear as day, she waited til your wife was out but didn't plan a proper question to ask. Any pics?

 

[RightTurnClyde]

Breathes.

 

[Trevor Morley's Tache]

Or the classic - carry on a conversation you both had four weeks ago without any warning.

"She can't anyway, she's working."

"Eh?"

"My mum can't have the kids. She's working."

"For Christ's sake love. We haven't mentioned this since February."

"Don't snap, I'm only saying."

My missus has a conversation randomiser. She'll mention something vague about new kitchens of something in the garden and then stop mid-sentence and go off on one about something else. Then hours, or sometimes days/weeks later return to exactly where she left off and expect me to instantly know what she is on about.

Another thing that niggles is she expects me to know exactly where she is pointing when she says "over there". My offer to buy her a finger mounted laser pointer didn't go down too well.

 

[richardtheref]

She wants it mate, clear as day, she waited til your wife was out but didn't plan a proper question to ask. Any pics?

Seriously you would not. she is like a cross between the Blair Witch & an ugly Amish woman.

 

[RadcliffeRick]

Beauty is only a light switch away:-)

 

[Magicpole]

When you say you're off out and all of a sudden they want to spend time with you when you know full well its gonna be the same as every other night.

I had a particular instance in the past, like so;

"I'm off out on Friday for a few pints"

- no you aren't, I want to spend time with you.

At this point I took objection and said that we spend a lot of time together and she tried to play it off that she was joking, but she wasn't happy when I pointed out that she was absolutely testing the fucking waters and wouldn't have said she was joking if I went along with it.

Devious and manipulating. Then you're all the cunts for going out.

The, oh I was only joking, chestnut?

Mind fucking.

 

[Magicpole]

Seriously you would not. she is like a cross between the Blair Witch & an ugly Amish woman.

A looker then?

 

[vonkeynotvenky]

Wife just rang me asking what type of fresh pasta I wanted from Tesco. I told her it's the stuff she usually buys and she's been buying it for years. She's thinking of sending me pictures of the packets but she'll probably just send me pictures of her hand or her shoes.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

A looker up here in Scotland then?

 

[Magicpole]

**** ;)