I was waiting for a work colleague to arrive on site a few years ago. He text me saying he'd be about an hour late.
I was bored and remembered I had a few adult DVD's in my laptop bag. I put one on and soon got aroused(none of that shit with big hairy German porno ' taches and dodgy 70s porno music)
I was giving it the 5 knuckle shuffle ( like you do) and decided to put the laptop in the back of my van and go for it.
The area was secluded so I thought nobody would disturb me, and on the vinegar stroke, I head - (Scottish accent) "morning mate, how ya doon?"
A rather embarrassed "erm, fine thanks mate"... He clocked me saying "och, what ya doon there laddie?".... "erm, I'm having a wank, what does it look like?"
Man fat drops all over the van.... He was disgusted and walked off.... Half an hour later I sheepishly offered to make him a brew. He accepted on seeing the semi skimmed milk lol.
True tale.