Toilet Help

[nelsons willie]

Is it situated in the right position, ie north to south? If it is in a westerly direction the earths rotation could have a bearing on the flow of water. Ask your neighbour for advice. If he answers the door with his hands covered in shit then he may have the same problem.

 

[Gaylord du Bois]

Be like being back at school, that stuff didn't so much clean as render ones derrière. I bet these days the soft fuckers have triple quilted aloa-vera soaked perfume scented bog roll...no wonder the countries gone to the dogs.

We learnt very quickly to fold not scrunch that Izal stuff. It was good grounding though as I try and use one sheet per shit even to this day. Not my kids though, oh no, they wipe with a boxing glove they've made out of it. Don't know they're born.

You didn't fuck with a scruncher, was like wiping your arse with razor blades, but they didn't care. I have obviously suppressed this as now I think on it, fuck Saville et al, surely the greatest crime against children was the purchasing of that stuff for schools...people need to be held to account, we need a public enquiry. I need closure.

Only ever knew one scruncher and like you say NTBFW. He left school at 15 to join the foreign legion. Legend has it that he'd hollow out French sticks to use for condoms. Got medically discharged after he gave himself a vasectomy with two house bricks after they stopped the bread ration.

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

When you have finished wiping rip a hole in it, this helps the air escape and it will go down a treat.

 

[bgblue]

On a serious note, try filling an empty bucket, with water. Then pour it down the toilet, if all the waste disappears easily, the it sounds like your siphon is fucked. About a fiver from a merchants

 

[-dabz-]

When you have finished wiping rip a hole in it, this helps the air escape and it will go down a treat.

This. But before throwing down the pan, put your finger through the hole,(unless its cheap bog roll, in which case you already have) and presto!!! A paper ballerina finger puppet to amuse the kids.

 

[Patientman63]

Or change your brand of bog roll, the thinner smoother stuff is not as porous and tends to trap air within when scrunched up. Newer bogs don't drop as much water from as higher level as older ones, so not enough head is generated to push the paper down and round the U bend.

Recommend that Nouvelle stuff, but only 3 sheets per wipe mind, too much can cause blockage, with all that that entails...<br /><br />-- Wed Aug 28, 2013 10:29 pm --<br /><br />

On a serious note, try filling an empty bucket, with water. Then pour it down the toilet, if all the waste disappears easily, the it sounds like your siphon is fucked. About a fiver from a merchants

Had a Phaal once in a curry house in Edinburgh, kinda reminds of the shit I had afterwards....

 

[Kippax.]

The house is cursed, leave and never return.

funny, this makes me giggle VERY LOUDLY

 

[Zubrman]

Don't go.

Use public lavvies or McDonalds.

 

[Pelly Greeny]

Have a hand blender at the side of toilet - you can use it to chop up toilet paper or large logs that will not make it round the bend without help

Just make sure you rinse it well in the fresh water in the just flushed toilet before using it in the kitchen.

 

[shootmeifipost10k]

It's a east fix in most cases and costs a few quid and saves the plumber call out, sorry to any plumbers on here.

If anyone is wondering why there toilet isn't flushing very well it's mostly always the following.

Lift the top of the cistern, switch the water off to the toilet then flush the toilet.

Remove the Cistern Syphon(the thing that fills with water for the flush) In most cases it comes apart in two pieces. If you can't see how it comes apart the make of the Syphon is usually on the lid. Google it and there will be a step by step for it somewhere, I'll say though you'll most likely figure it our just looking at it.

When you get it out, look underneath and you'll see a soft plastic like film on the bottom and most likely it is torn and it's a simple case of replacing this,you have to take apart the syphon to do this and in most cases it's quite simple and you can see how it's done by simply looking at it and figuring it out.

You can replace it with a couple of pieces of thick polythene until you get a replacement diaphragm, take the old one out use it as a template and cut to fit.

When you take the syphon out you'll see the make and model of it and just google Toilet syphon diaphragm for the model you have and like I said they are just a couple of quid.


If the diaphragm is intact and it's the syphon that's gone all together then replacing it is quite easy also, same again google the make you have and you'll get a replacement or one that's the same fit for your Cistern. Most cases again it's just the flush part that's gone and it's a case of removing this and getting a new one which invovles unclipping and clipping the new one on.


I should charge for this kind of stuff.

Edit
Obviously you must ignore the above and use the bluemoon logic posted before me as it's much more fun