* Top Tips! *

[Godzilla]

Don't decorate behind furniture... nobody will know!

Especially good if selling house, imagine their faces when they move in!!!

 

[The Northern Baptist]

Dont spend money on expensive shredders for you bank statements etc,

To deter bin thiefs, pop a bit of dog shit in with your rubbish. That should keep the fuckers away

 

[pee dubya]

When it's raining, go outside anyway! It's only fucking water you bunch of pansies.

 

[-dabz-]

Dont throw away your old Smartie tubes, save them to keep smarties in the next time you buy smarties.
This also works for other sweets, but not potatoes.

 

[clairepartyring]

Dont throw away your old Smartie tubes, save them to keep smarties in the next time you buy smarties.
This also works for other sweets, but not potatoes.

True Dabzy, toblerone tubes are better for potatoes!! :)

 

[mr t]

On the road a lot? Always keep a mop head and a penknife in your glove compartment. That way you'll never be without a piece of string when you need one.

 

[manchester witty]

dont eat yellow snow

 

[The Northern Baptist]

Climb onto your neighbour's roof and dangle a fish on a bit of string in front of his windows. He'll think his house is underwater

Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply get pissed, lie in a pit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence.

Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon

 

[KolarovsLeftPeg]

Don't jump out of a moving bus.

Use toothpaste on spots rather than buying expensive spot cream.

 

[Franny Lee's Barrel Chest]

Manchester United fans. Save money on expensive new kits by simply strapping a large fake penis to your forehead. It is now clear to all, as to your allegiance

Also avoid an asymetrical bulge in your right arm by masturbating furiously with your left arm too.