Touching Cloth

I think I've got Irritable Bowel Syndrome cos I'm always getting my stomach giving me gripes at the most inappropriate times.
Last night I way walking the dog when my left side turning into a gurgling whirlpool.

Walking the dog turning into dragging the dog. I got upstairs not a moment too soon - my bowels emptied as I was instigating docking with the toilet bowl.

One day I'm going to be too far from a loo and end up crying!
 
The Pope said:
I think I've got Irritable Bowel Syndrome cos I'm always getting my stomach giving me gripes at the most inappropriate times.
Last night I way walking the dog when my left side turning into a gurgling whirlpool.

Walking the dog turning into dragging the dog. I got upstairs not a moment too soon - my bowels emptied as I was instigating docking with the toilet bowl.

One day I'm going to be too far from a loo and end up crying!
Click to expand...

Can't you train your dog to do this?

Pooper%20Scooper.jpg
 
gaudinho's stolen car said:
At the Platt Fields festival last year I was having a piss up the side of a tent and let a little fart go, and promptly shit myself. It was pretty much a full load. Being drunk at the time, I decided sitting down and rubbing from side to side on the floor would ease the situation but it didn't. My bird wouldn't speak to me because of the stench so I flagged a black cab who kicked me out because of the smell. I ended up walking the last couple of miles. The dump was so powerful there was a brown stain on the outside of my jeans.
Click to expand...

Literally, PMSL.
 
Tuearts right boot said:
You'll find with age,farting with confidence is no longer an option.A 'follow through' is inevitable.
Click to expand...

Dalian, China. I had just got out of a taxi, crossing the road heading for the subway sandwich shop and midway across the road I thought I'd just squeeze one out, wrong! ended up in the bogs in some apartment store whilst my missus went shopping for replacement underwear. Fortunately I was wearing black jeans at the time...
 
gaudinho's stolen car said:
At the Platt Fields festival last year I was having a piss up the side of a tent and let a little fart go, and promptly shit myself. It was pretty much a full load. Being drunk at the time, I decided sitting down and rubbing from side to side on the floor would ease the situation but it didn't. My bird wouldn't speak to me because of the stench so I flagged a black cab who kicked me out because of the smell. I ended up walking the last couple of miles. The dump was so powerful there was a brown stain on the outside of my jeans.
Click to expand...

This just cannot be beaten. I have not heard a funnier story on bluemoon. Infact i laughed so much i shit myself
 
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