Touring caravans

[crublue1]

Sorry. I just assume that all people who tow caravans are called Kenneth and Dierdre. They usually live in Basingstoke.
Kenneth works in ' procurement ' for the local council and Dierdre works part time on school dinners.

Probably swingers as well

 

[fulabeer]

Probably swingers as well

Oh yes, i forgot to mention to stay away from a drink called "The Pink Stuff"....!

 

[NorthamptonBlue]

Stayed at a lovely site beside Snowdonia right beside a lake.
The stars at night were something else, spectacular!

Did the locals not set your van on fire? You were lucky. Go to the Lake District next time.

 

[hilts]

Used to have a touring caravan...never again.
It all starts so easy and cheap.

Then you realise you know nothing about towing/caravanning.
I don't mean the dragging around bit.

First off is the "Nose weight". Get that wrong and you will be a nodding donkey.
In English that means you have to load the caravan up in a way that the tow hitch is a certain weight.
To heavy or too light brings big problems.

So you buy a nose weight scale.

Then you buy a anti snake stabiliser system. It only takes one severe wiggle to justify the price!

Then you buy little pads for the caravan levelling legs so they don't sink into the ground.

Then you have to buy little ramps to adjust the caravan on uneven ground.

The wife then wants an awning to attach to the side. No not that cheap one, yes the really expensive one.
Oh and add in a awning floor liner. Table chairs and heater.

Then you need a little step to get into the caravan.

Gas?, did i mention buy some gas?

Then there is the portable satellite dish/TV aerial.

Next up will be a caravan motor mover. You don't really need one, but boy it sure does impress your neighbours twice a year when it moves your caravan ten feet off the drive.

There are many many more things than listed above, but you get the gist.

Then the thing can sit on your drive day after day. It just gets dirty so you have to keep cleaning it. Problem is it isn't normal dirt. Caravans develop weird "black streaks". They are a bastard to get off and reappear just days later anyway!

When you finally have all the gear and you arrive at you caravan park, the fun begins right?
No, you will spend the next few hours levelling/adjusting and fettling the thing. Then she will insist the awning is put up. Basically forget the first day. You will be knackered from towing and setting up.

And then it will happen........you WILL have forgotten something vital.
It will normally be the blue hook up lead to connect your van to the electric supply.
I think i aged ten years in the two years we owned one.

Honestly, just pay for a static or go abroad in a hotel. I never moan about the price any more!

But some weirdos like travelling far and sitting on a chair on grass, now normal folk realise they are spending a lot of money when they have a perfectly good garden and neighbours to chat to. But no the pull of chatting to other weirdos is too strong.

Why spend your money in a nice restaurant or pub, maybe a bargain hotel. No no no spend money on a claustrophobic shit hole, crap in a bucket and chat to some arsehole called Colin.

If it pisses down you can play scrabble, living the dream.

 

[MCFC_ Phil]

Bloody shed draggers!! ....FYI there is nowhere worth seeing, and no nice walks in Hampshire, the New Forest is so overrated......so no need to drag a shed down here! ;)

Ha. We'll be down that way soon, camping near Wareham. Only towing a trailer though. Love that area, you can't keep it for yourself you know-:). Might even wear my City shirt!

 

[fulabeer]

Part 2:

Did i mentioned caravanning is literally "taking the piss"? (and shit)

Yes, you have to spend part of your day filling a weird round tub with clean water and then rolling it back to your van.
Then after use, it then fills an even weirder shaped tub which you then wheel back to the drains.

Then there is the poop run.
Basically you shit into a square bucket full of blue liquid. When this is full, everybody expects that you will do something about it.
This involves loading said shit bucket onto a little cart. Rolling it over to a shit hole.
Then pouring said contents down the shithole whilst trying to not look and smell said contents. Get this wrong and the said contents are now accompanied with the contents of your stomach...

 

[southamptonblue]

Ha. We'll be down that way soon, camping near Wareham. Only towing a trailer though. Love that area, you can't keep it for yourself you know-:). Might even wear my City shirt!

Wareham is Dorset, nearer Bournemouth......enjoy the traffic!! ;)

 

[Indaparkside]

Part 2:

Did i mentioned caravanning is literally "taking the piss"? (and shit)

Yes, you have to spend part of your day filling a weird round tub with clean water and then rolling it back to your van.
Then after use, it then fills an even weirder shaped tub which you then wheel back to the drains.

Then there is the poop run.
Basically you shit into a square bucket full of blue liquid. When this is full, everybody expects that you will do something about it.
This involves loading said shit bucket onto a little cart. Rolling it over to a shit hole.
Then pouring said contents down the shithole whilst trying to not look and smell said contents. Get this wrong and the said contents are now accompanied with the contents of your stomach...

Sounds like what you do after a night in Mary d’s

 

[Uwe Already]

Bump! My good lady has decided that since we haven’t had a holiday in 10 years we are buying a caravan. We have a ford turneo (9 seater transit) that she’s had a tow bar fitted to, and now we’re on the lookout for a caravan-I’m lost and scared you don’t seem to get much for the money. I bought a damp meter and that’s already saved us on a couple of vans, but I’m losing my will to live…

 

[Bill Walker]

Part 2:

Did i mentioned caravanning is literally "taking the piss"? (and shit)

Yes, you have to spend part of your day filling a weird round tub with clean water and then rolling it back to your van.
Then after use, it then fills an even weirder shaped tub which you then wheel back to the drains.

Then there is the poop run.
Basically you shit into a square bucket full of blue liquid. When this is full, everybody expects that you will do something about it.
This involves loading said shit bucket onto a little cart. Rolling it over to a shit hole.
Then pouring said contents down the shithole whilst trying to not look and smell said contents. Get this wrong and the said contents are now accompanied with the contents of your stomach...

2 really great days when you buy a caravan, the day you buy it and the day you sell it :)