There was a taxi driver in a pub I used who was contracted to United for their players to utilise for routine trips. He had many a tale to tell about her unflattering appearance before she applied her slap in the cab en route, her general snottiness with the kids and the language she used.
One of the Nevilles got married and asked all the guests to wear red, black and white. The stick insect was the only one to break this wearing a shiny gold dress, to take away the attention from the bride on her big day. All that glisters is not gold.
At another wedding (again on tv) of some soap actress she dressed Dopey Dave in a huge fedora hat which he wore inside the church to attract maximum attention to them both. I am not sure if they knew or ignored the good manners convention that men do not wear hats in church or even indoors,( before baseball caps became fashionable;-))
The pair of them really piss me off, in case you have not noticed!